Silicone Soul

Some days.

It's been a horrible, no good, very bad day.
My mom says some days are like that.
The doctor says my dose needs to be higher.
Lengthening the distance from which one day I will drop, noose Hooked around my neck.
Hoops, and eyeliner, the foundation all a mask but a mask doesn't have to be a "mask" if the mask is not really a mask at all.
They sell my kind of masks in stores.
Walk into the mall and run to Sephora, "make me pretty, paint over the pain, you can do it I believe in you!"
My therapists says I need to stay away from the bad vibes,
"Ya know, good vibes only"
When I want to stress eat, stress read
Or stress run.
But what she doesn't understand is I am the bad vibe.
I carry the darkness inside of me everywhere I go.
When I joke about my soul being black and empty it might make you laugh but I'm not kidding.
The only time I can truly speak about how I feel is when I make it into a joke.

It's been a stressful, rainy, suicidal day..
My demons say everyday will be like that.

****
I made this at the begging of summer, it was a really rough time for me. The past few months of school had driven me to the edge of breaking. I didn't know what to do with all the built up anger and sadness I had towards the world and myself. I was a danger to myself, I hadn't been that bad since 7th grade (this was the end of 10th grade year.) I thought the medicine was dulling my creative ability, making me into a robot who couldn't feel anything. But I was having a mental breakdown.
**Long story short:
Thus summer has pretty much been shit. But I've grown so much and my skin has gotten thicker, don't stop taking your medicines, ever it's just not worth it. Having depression or mania is a chemical flaw in our brains not a character flaw!! It's not you. Stay strong you can get through anything.

My message box is always open <3