DEATH BATTLE

Episode 13: Crash Bandicoot vs Spyro the Dragon (Season 2 Premiere)

Wiz: From Final Fantasy to Tomb Raider, there has never been a shortage of video game franchises pioneered and made successful by the Sony PlayStation. And these two heroes have long held the banner of both the console and their franchises.

Boomstick: Crash Bandicoot, the rogue mutant bandicoot.

Wiz: And Spyro the Dragon, the Skylander.

Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick!

Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

CRASH BANDICOOT

Boomstick: Ahh, the peaceful Wumpa Island. It's home to what you'd expect from a tropical island: seabirds, wooden houses, trees, and...wombats.

Wiz: Actually, Boomstick, they're called bandicoots.

Boomstick: ...Nah, they're wombats.

Wiz: How can you be so sure?

Boomstick: I picked up a stray wombat ten minutes ago.

Wiz: Come on, Boomstick! How can you make an inference of what animals are in a tropical island if you base them off stray animals you pick up from the street?

Boomstick: YOU SHUT YOUR TRAP, WIZARD! THIS WOMBAT LIKES--*wombat inexplicably begins crawling inside Boomstick's shirt and bites...* AAAAAGH! MY NIPPLE RING!

Wiz: ...As I was saying, bandicoots--

Boomstick: IT'S BLEEDING!

Wiz: Band--

Boomstick: THE PAIN!

*Apologies for the sudden technical difficulties; Boomstick had to be given medical treatment*

Wiz: Anyway, take a look at a distant island off the coast of Australia called Wumpa Island. While it may seem peaceful at first glance, it's actually home to many dangers and mysteries.

Boomstick: Like wombats that like to bite people's nipples off, Wumpa Island's got some serious stuff ready to bit at you. Like ice monsters, these rat things, and a family of bandicoots that are always ready to kick ass.

Wiz: However, they were all just regular old bandicoots that got captured and experimented on by the nefarious Neo Cortex. But one of them was strong enough to flee the evil scientist's clutches and go on a quest to save his girlfriend and the island. His name is Crash Bandicoot.

Boomstick: Buuut he lost his girlfriend. With his initial quest cut short, Crash vowed to stop Neo Cortex from his schemes and beat the sh*t out of him once they met. And he pulled it off!

Wiz: He did this with the aid of the sentient spirit mask named Aku Aku. As well as being a mentor figure and companion, Aku Aku aids Crash in combat by shielding him from any and all minor attacks.

Boomstick: And he can even be used like a goddamned skateboard! Man, I wonder how he feels after his face gets rubbed in the dirt.

Wiz: However, despite the protection Aku Aku offers, Crash can do well enough on his own. He's a master of close combat, and is well known for using his natural bandicoot instincts in battle. For example, he is a master digger, and also surprisingly adept at climbing.

Boomstick: Crash can also bend his body into angles that would be normally excruciating for ordinary people. And that's pretty damn sweet! I kinda wish I didn't quit gymnastics.

Wiz: Well, I highly doubt you'll make any progress at all.

Boomstick: Hey!

Wiz: ...Crash's body is also exceptionally durable, capable of taking blows from the likes of Crunch Bandicoot, Tiny Tiger, and a super pumped up version of Neo Cortex. He also boasts incredible strength, and was able to lift Crunch with little to no effort.