the feeling of chantel's eyes on me as i walk in. i simply just stand there,my mind racing with many different thoughts
i had sobered up by now
"lani" chantel says softly "are you okay?"
i shake my head and not saying a word
"what happened at the party?" she curiously asked
"i don't want to talk about it right now" i tell him before walking upstairs
i take off my clothes from the party and put on basketball shorts and my black 'tsnmi' hoodie
my feet drag across my carpet as i walk into my bathroom
i brushed my teeth and spend extra time scrubbing my lips
i was drunk and angry at him and he has a girlfriend, that is not exactly how i pictured our first kiss
i wont lie and say i didn't enjoy the it because i did,i enjoyed it alot
i don't know why he did it and i sure don't want to find out,he's made me feel guilty and i don't like it
i wash my face and stop the water hearing some one knock on my door
hesitantly i open it and chantel embraces me in a hug seeing the frustration on my face "do you want to talk about it?"
before i know it im curled in her arms on my bed as she rubs my back
"what's wrong?"
"i don't know" my voice was scratchy
"maybe it's because i love him,maybe it's because each time he hurts me i take him back,maybe it's because he kissed me,maybe its because he-"
"wait what?" she yelled "oh my god baby thats so good,why aren't you happy?"
"he has a girlfriend cee" i sigh using my nickname for her "i cant help but feel guilty"
"maybe he likes you"
"you think so?" i ask biting my nails
"why else would he put his lips on yours" she squeals making me laugh
"maybe it was just the heat of the moment,i was stressing and shouting in his face and he just went in" i explained "it probably meant nothing to him"
"but it means everything to you"
she wasn't wrong
"i hope h-
my words were interrupted by phone ringing
the caller id read mama which i found strange,why would she be calling me at this time "mama?"
"can you come over please"
i sit up "what's wrong mama?are you okay?"
"yeah,im fine but it's kalin" she started "i don't know what's wrong with him"
"what do you mean?"
"he took the alcohol i had in the cupboard and locked himself in his room"
"ill be there in a few minutes mama hold on" i tell her while throwing on sweats and a hoodie
"ill leave a key under the mat because im going to go my moms and spend the night" she tells me
"okay mama" i nod before she hangs up
