00:29am
Sometimes I have these days/nights where I can't stop crying. I can't stop feeling the hole and the missing pieces. Everybody has their own problems. I have some pretty fucked up too. From time to time reality reminds me of them and i can't handle all the sudden pain. I mean, there is always pain, even a little in every one of us. But there are times when this pain hits like really hard and you can't do anything to stop it.
It's not a secret that I'm very emotional. I cry at almost every movie I watch. But there are those particular movies that you find by coincidence and somehow, magically, the characters feel real for you. You understand them and their stories. It's a beautiful thing, but also a very sad one.
However,
Everybody struggles with something in their lives. Some of us try to ignore it with a smile or with an interesting comedy. It's all pink and flowers until all the feelings you have been burring inside of you crawl to the outside.
It may be caused by an experience, a movie (like I said earlier), nothing in particular or it happens because you have been hiding it way too long.
It's like a routine for me, to cry, a lot. It's how i battle different kind of emotions and to be fucking honest - it helps. Recently I have hard nights. I'm dealing with some bullshit lately, seeing things I shouldn't have, getting angry and loosing control, remembering things that kind of broke me these days.
It's not easy since I can't really share them with someone. You know, best friends and family have limits too. I don't like sharing what I feel in general so i guess it's normal for me.
I just hate those nights where I cry and I cry and I cry for nothing in particular and yet, for so many unsaid things that i have chosen to hide instead to share.
Hell my phobias are fucking me up, ESPECIALLY at night. And I don't know what to do. I really need to talk with someone, just someone to listen to me and give me a proper advice or just tell me the truth, not 'im so sorry' 'its gonna be fine'. I'm afraid that if I talk about this with my friends, they will look at me in a different way.
What is scaring me the most is that i feel like I don't belong anywhere. I feel like that the whole time to be honest. Yeah I have friends, we laugh, we text, we share. But I don't feel like we live and understand each other the way we should.
It's sad that we are not used to share what is really breaking us.
00:45am
