Rain drips onto my skin. The cool feeling of water falling from the sky wakes me from a deep sleep. I am lying in a field, surrounded by grass and yellow wildflowers. The entire field is enclosed by a thick forest. It surrounds me with a cold, yet welcoming embrace. This is where I come to be alone, to escape the rest of the world. I am glad the rain woke me up. I didn't mean to fall asleep and I need to get home before my parents.
I take my time to look at everything around me as I walk through the forest. I want to take everything in one last time. As I gaze up at the cloudy sky, just visible above a web of leaves, I think. I think about everyone and everything.
My name is Charlotte. I am seventeen years old. My hair is the color of milk chocolate and falls to my shoulders. My long side bangs cover my left eye. My eyes are a dark brown, so dark they appear black at times. My skin is pale and smooth, giving me the nickname "vampire." My wrists and thighs are covered in scars; some are old and some are from this morning. They mark most of my skin, forcing me to wear shirts with long sleeves and jeans at all times. This is the last day I will ever cut, that much is certain.
No one likes me. I don't know why, but they never have.
I have never been thin, but I have never necessarily been fat. I am my own happy medium. Nut happy mediums do not satisfy everyone else. For years, I have faced horrid nicknames and food being tossed at me from across the cafeteria. Soon, I will not have to worry about my weight, it will no longer matter to me.
Today, I decided to wear my favorite outfit: black skinny jeans that cling nicely to my thighs, a plain black t-shirt, and a batman hoodie. I have black and white checkered Vans on my feet and a black beanie on my head. I almost never wear anything but black. this has been the source of countless, wicked comments from people at my school.
"Black again? Whose funeral is it this time? Hopefully yours!"
"Hey fatso, get some color in your life!"
For years, everyone has been telling me to kill myself. Little do they know I'm not going to take it any longer. No one will ever tell me to kill myself again. No one will ever hit me or push me. I will rise above all of them.
I come home to an empty house, just as planned. The windows are dark and the car is gone from the driveway. I unlock he door and run quickly up the stairs to my bedroom. I see exactly what I want sitting on my bed, right where i left it.
I turn on my favorite song, "Kryptonite" by 3 Doors Down, and sit on my bed. Closing my eyes, I lean back against my charcoal walls. I take three deep breaths and think about what I am about to do. I think long and hard. My entire life fills my head, for the second time today. I reach down and pick up the gun, placing it against my temple.
Is this really what I want to do? Is this worth it?
My hands shake and tears pour from my eyes.
Of course it isn't worth it. Things get better, right?
I pull the trigger...
