Chim- Chim - I Never Thought I'd Feel This Way (Sequel to 'Tell Me What To Do)

Chapter: 11-12

“So you thought you’d kiss her?”  Cheryl suddenly interrupted him.

“She kissed me”, he replied, shifting in the chair as Cheryl frowned back at him.  “I was surprised – I’d tried to come to terms with us just being friends, after she left me, then even though Chloe was with her mum Kimberley wanted to meet for lunch and suddenly she just kissed me”.

Cheryl blinked, determined to keep the tears from flowing.  “Why are you telling me this?”

“Because I think you deserve the truth, and I promised Kimberley I’d tell you the truth.  When Kimberley left me she told me she’d stopped loving me, and that it was kinder to leave me now, rather than later.  She’d started seeing me more as a friend than as a boyfriend.  To be fair to her, as much as it broke me, she was right – I guess we’d allowed ourselves to fall into a routine, we weren’t having sex…”

“I don’t need to hear this,” Cheryl suddenly stood up and walked over to the fireplace.  

“Cheryl, you do need to hear this,” suddenly Justin stood up but changed his mind about approaching her.  He stood awkwardly where he was, then chose to sit on the sofa, nearer to Cheryl.

“I love Kimberley, I always have and I would do anything for her.  When she kissed me, I thought she’d changed her mind about the split – I tried to take things further but then I noticed she was crying.  She wouldn’t have slept with me, you know.  For a second she kissed me, and we both wanted it – but for different reasons.  I wanted my girlfriend back, she just wanted an escape from her thoughts.  The second I tried to take it further, she just burst into tears.”  He laughed, although not because anything about the situation was amusing him.

“Anyway, she called the other day and wanted to meet me.  She told me everything – how she’s been in love with you since day one, how she used to wish she was with you when she was with me, how she’s been living with you – not just as a friend but as your girlfriend…” Justin’s voice trailed off and he fought to regain his composure as Cheryl turned to look at him.

“She told you about us?” Cheryl had been trying to work out why Justin would suddenly turn up, but she had never dreamt that Kimberley would have told him.  Kimberley hadn’t wanted anyone to know.

Justin nodded slowly.  “She told me about the press though – about how it’s been bothering her.  You know what she’s like, Cheryl – she prefers the quiet life when she’s not actually working.  And that’s what I gave her, wasn’t it?  A quiet life away from it all – she could meet me for lunch when it was all too much, take Chloe for ice cream… I know she was doing it for Chloe, but it was helping her too – it was an escape from the attention.  I think she kissed me because for just a minute she wanted things to go back to how they were.  But they can’t, can they?  She’s with you because she loves you.  I can give her a family and children, but I can’t make her happy like you can”.  Justin wiped a tear away, slightly embarrassed to be getting upset in front of Cheryl.

“She told me she’d told you about the kiss but that you’d left before she could explain.  She said she can’t see me anymore – in case it makes you uncomfortable.  She’s going to pick Chloe up once a month for a while – take her out on her own, without me, until Chloe gets used to us not being together.  She also wanted me to have the full story - she said she owed me that.”  Justin stood up and walked over to Cheryl, stopping just in front of her.

“I won’t see her again if that’s what she wants.  I love her with all my heart but I have to learn to let her go.  She doesn’t love me like that – not the way I love her.  She made a mistake, she freaked out.  She’s usually so sensible and practical - surely she’s allowed one mistake?”  He leaned his head down so Cheryl would hear, as he felt his own voice starting to falter.  Cheryl closed her eyes, feeling tears starting to fill them.