All the Same to Me

April 1998

And it's finished. Stuck is officially done, and it only took me a month: a new record. All I've been doing is writing. Nonstop. It's time I focus on myself and get my life together, and I feel like it'll come together pretty damn well. All I need to do is get this on a Word Processor and send it out.

As of now, though, I put my head down on my journal that is on the table of the balcony and catch up on sleep. With all the writing I've been doing, I haven't had much time to sleep. I'll stay up and write until two, fall asleep until five, and continue writing. I do my best writing at night because there are no distractions. It's just my mind and my journal.

My eyes shut and my conscience fades away as I start to drift into a heavy sleep, letting the sound of the crashing waves calm me. I'm almost asleep until... "Good morning, Sleeping Beauty."

I jerk my head up too fast and yelp, but it's only Chris standing on the beach beneath the balcony. My dark curls are in my face, so I flip them out of the way. "Jesus, Chris, you scared me." I haven't seen Chris in ages. The last time I saw him was when Ben and he persuaded me to help Daniel. Wait, where is Ben? 

"Sorry."

I glance behind him to see if maybe Ben is hanging out or is on his way, but all I see is more beach. "Where's your sidekick?" I ask.

"Oh Ben? He's uh... with Jennie, let's just say that."

Oh? Oh! Eh, that's more than I wanted to know, but you can't say they aren't happy together. I get up from the table and stand by the railing, so I can see Chris better. He hasn't changed that much within a few months, but how much can someone change in that amount of time? "Why are you here?" I ask.

"Because I wanted to sweep you off your feet into the sunset... or sunrise in this case." He flashes a cheesy smile and extends his arms out, like he's displaying a prize or wants me to jump down so he can really sweep me off my feet. I know it's a joke, though, because if it wasn't we would've gone all the way last December.

I laugh. "That's sweet, but why are you really here?"

"How's Dan been?"

My stomach goes hollow. Honestly, I haven't thought about Daniel since that day, but I wonder if he knows that. It doesn't seem like he does. Do I lie and say he's fine? Do I tell the truth about that day, though I want to leave it behind me? "I don't know."

He cocks an eyebrow, like he doesn't quite understand. "What do you mean?"

"I haven't seen him since last month."

Now both eyebrows raise and his eyes widen in disbelief. "What? Liza, you have to--"

"No, I don't! Who the hell do I look like, Mother Teresa? If you care about him so much, then why don't you and Ben go see him." That was louder than I intended it to be, but Daniel made it quite clear he doesn't want my "charity work", so I'm more than willing to stop. Besides, Ben and Chris are supposedly his best friends, so they can help him.

"He'll only respond to you. Ben and I have tried, but he won't respond to us or anyone, unless it's you."

I'm about to hop right over that balcony and go back to see what's wrong with Daniel, but I stop myself. I can't go back. Not after what happened. Instead, I shrug. "I don't know what to tell you. He made it quite clear he doesn't want me around." I run my fingers through my hair, getting them tangled in my mess of curls. Thinking of that day is getting me upset again, and I don't want to cry again. I cried enough to last me the rest of the year, and I don't want to add another year's worth of tears. 

Chris is starting to realize something went wrong. I can tell by his expression. "May I join you?" he asks.

I put my head up and say, "Sure, go ahead."

He hops up on the balcony, swinging himself over the railing so he's standing next to me. "Something happened between you two," he says.

"Don't worry about it. It happened a month ago."

"Tell me."

I sigh. "Let's just say he made me feel pretty worthless." I want to tell him about how Daniel wanted to quit the band and how he felt like he had no control over his life., but I feel like I'd be violating confidentiality if I did that. I was somewhat of a shrink to him, so I have to keep that information to myself. If he wanted to tell others, he'd let more people see him. 

"You know more, don't you?"

Reluctantly, I nod.

"Tell me."

"I can't. It's confidential."

He looks me right in the eye and smiles in that same goofy way he always does, though I'm confused as to why. "This is why you have to see him."

"Chris--"

"C'mon." He hops the railing and lands on the sand, but I don't follow. I don't ever want to follow, but I know I'll have to eventually. "What are you waiting for?"

"Tomorrow. That's what I'm waiting for."

"You're gonna see him again?"

"Yeah, but tomorrow. I need to collect myself." And think about what the hell I'm going to say after a month of forgetting he exists. 

He smiles. "Good. Thanks Liza."

"No problem."

"And you give Mother Teresa a run for her money."

I laugh. "Chris, Mother Teresa is dead."

"Exactly."

Hey guys,

This is kind of a short chapter, but it's more for a transitional purpose. Question: do you ship Daniel and Liza or Chris and Liza? And I'm sorry if some of this is inaccurate, but it is fiction I hope you're all enjoying it and remember to vote, comment, and follow. Happy reading!

Much Love.                                                                                                                                                                     Gabi