Notes

1/15/16

Last night I spammed Robert just because I could and he actually responded but he ended up making me rage so I told him bye that was probably one of the nicest things i could do so you should be proud i talked to kyle more last night and I really wish he would open up more or at least a little bit I would be happy with that I sort of found a trick to get in a little but he soon shut that down which I mean I guess thats okay he doesn't want to talk about it but I d he needs to let out some feelings he can't keep them all inside

ive been thinking more about the present and the future more than I have the past and it feels nice it really does I'm no longer stuck on what happened and am more on what could and will happen I'm dead set on going to mundeline to see him once I get a job I'm going to start a jar of money to go because if I don't I'm not going to have any money vto go if I don't have a car by then I'll get a friend to take me and I'll pay them the gas money to get there

For the first couple months I might put away my entire paycheck into the jar to save up a bit quicker because that really isn't that far off once my birthday hits I'm planning on looking for a job then too but by then there's not going to be very many places I can go though so I'll be keeping a lookout till then I really dont want to go to Wendy's

I was thinking about what's going to happen after high school (I can thank Figg for that) bit it actually makes me sad because he was right all my friends and I probably won't ever see each other again and that's really sad to me because it's a little too true I plan on getting out of here while i still can but I know that a couple people won't and if everything works out in my head correctly I'll be moving to mundeline for a while it honestly kills me just thinking about leaving everyone but ts unavoidable we are growing up this is just how this all goes yea I'm going to miss them like crazy but it's how life works I'm going to miss it alot everyone and everything and every experience and everything ughhh I'm really going to hate it when we all say goodbye to each other I'm not good at goodbyes I'm going to end up crying I only have two years left I'm going to be a mess
This isn't fair Im kinda heartbroken about it I see why kyle kept asking me what about my friends and what if they missed me now I realize I do care I care alot about leaving them and everything

Okay well off that subject this weekend I'm staying with Aspen for a while she's coming to pick me up later today after school I'm super excited it's her birthday weekend and we are going to go to Indy for it and stay up there I have to make sure i have my medicine with me so that I can take it and make the doctor happy I'm still nervous about going
I really don't want her to tell me that I need to have surgery I don't want surgery it scares me because my ear is attached to my head and my head houses my brain head surgeries are kinda scary to me I don't want to be put to sleep so they can do that it terrifies me that's definitely a time that I'll need kyle the most

I'm picking subjects that really suck to talk about today

By the way there wasn't a note yesterday because I didn't go t school there wouldn't have been much to write about I didn't do anything I sat around the house and got into american horror story on Netflix thats about it

We get bug this weekend though and then katie told Sean that Shane could stay over Saturday which I'm not happy about even though I probably won't be there but I still don't want him in my house I heard that he's a thief and theres a part of me that believes it he thinks that he has lived through WW2 and thats ALL he talks about
-caitlin