A Penny for Your Love (Jerrie)

Suffering Without Pain

Jade could remember the second last time she felt.

It was the first time she had felt in two years.

It was a very short, barely lasting for the span of two seconds.

She could remember that feeling, the feeling of relief. Yes. It was relief.

She could remember how she felt the adrenaline flowing through her veins, and oh so did it feel good.

But it only lasted two seconds.

Two measly seconds, she tried countless amount of times to recreate.

Two measly seconds, that created an endless lust for her to feel again.

Two measly seconds, that led to one of the most horrid periods of her life.

But before then, before she could even blink, they feeling was gone.

And thus, it began.

---

At the age of 14

She stood, staring down at the toilet. She didn't move, didn't blink. She could hear her mom and brother arguing downstairs, stressed, saddened and angry.

She saw her reflection in the mirror, battered and dazed.

She still couldn't feel.

She was helpless, stranded on the orange lifeboat in the endless sea.

And it was at this moment, when something clicked in her head.

It was as if a measly string, one in which used to tie her to purpose, life, and sanity, suddenly snapped.

Her movements were swift. She didn't bother to do anything, than to stick her fingers down her throat, and bend over the toilet.

And she felt it.

The terrible beauty of depression.

Her gagging was covered up by the shouting downstairs.

---

She could remember the worry in her mothers eyes.

She could remember.

But she didn't feel anything.

She didn't feel guilty.

She didn't feel sad.

She didn't feel angry.

She didn't feel happy.

She didn't feel.

And which, another moment in her life, led her to a toxic hand which came from another beauty.

But instead depression, it was the creeping beauty of love.

Little did she know, although strings snapped, scissors were always the best way to cut strings.