Month of L

Two

To My Crush,

I haven't found you yet and I'm not looking forward to when I do. I hate stomach flutterings. I hate the unease I feel when I see you standing across the room. I especially hate it when you bite your lip like it means nothing. Don't look at me like that unless you plan on doing something. Don't act for one second like you know me inside and out. You can't. I won't let you. 

Chances are you're not into me, chances are you are in a relationship. Chances are we won't work. Chances are I am overthinking this.

Okay, no, let me start over.

Dear Crush, 

You aren't real yet. It's likely we have not even met. I have thought about you though, what you will be like, what our time together might be like. 

There have been no others before you. There might be no others after you, I don't know. What I do know is that you have to be out of this world. Someone the likes of which I have never seen before, that I will never see again.

Do you see all of these before and afters? I hope you can come to appreciate my sappy romanticism.

No, no. See, I am doing this all wrong. I'll try one more time.

Dear Crush (whoever you are),

When you lie to me, please do it to save my feelings. When you listen to me, please, really do listen to me. Because I will be listening to you, oh god, I will be listening to every damn word that comes out of your lips. And I will try not to lie to you but I can't promise anything. I am trying to win over your heart, remember?

Just know that when I say crush, I do not mean the 3rd grade "Oh, he's so cute". What I mean is "Oh shit! I like them," I like you. When I say "crush", I am not playing games. In fact, I would not say "crush". We're both adults (I assume, by the time I meet you); I will say I like you. I'm in like with you. If your friends notice it before you do then sorry, you're slow. And if I tell you before you notice then you are really slow.

I don't know. In the moment--when I see you smiling, all of your teeth, all of your laughter, your warmth radiating--I may just blurt it out. "I like you. I'm in like with you."

What would you say to that? Do I want to know?

We will continue this later.