Daryl Dixon was a man of reputation. It was important to him and he cherished it with all his heart, which he was sure to keep as invisible as he could from the other survivors. His reputation was his barrier from feeling, because feeling was weakness and weakness meant he would not survive in this world.
Everything was an equation, and if one part of the equation was taken away then it affected the product as a result. Daryl had worked hard to protect it, to keep his walls up and to not get attached. Please, reader, do not be fooled: this was the hardest thing Daryl Dixon had ever endured.
His set beliefs contradicted his true emotions, which he buried deeply inside the pit of his heart. He wanted the woman he loved, but merely pushed her away in fear of an attack on his strength. He wanted to share the stories of how his father abused him as a child, but wouldn't dare share them because it was a display of his past and his past was the very definition of weakness in his eyes. He so sorely wished to embrace the young child he had grown to care for, but of course, it disrupted the equation he fought hard to obtain.
And now, as he sits beside a tall oak tree peering down at his wounded, battered fingers, he realised. He no longer has the family who did not care for him, nor the controlling brother who inculcated him to believe these things. The brother who was a murderer, a thief, and yet he was always there for Daryl. Now he sees clearly that Merle was nothing but an uncanny foreshadowing of what he would become. Of what people would see and think of him.
"DIXON! Dixon, we need to keep moving! Where is your cross bow, come on!" Andrea yelled, angrily.
They were meant to be on a supply run and clearing out the walkers nearby. The plan was for Daryl and Andrea to cover Glenn whilst he entered the pharmacy to get medical supplies.
He sighed heavily, put out his cigarette, and picked up his cross bow which was loaded with arrows. His cross bow gave him power, it made him feel safe. He put in on his back, and went to help Andrea execute a trio of walkers.
They didn't frighten him anymore. If anything, they gave him comfort. Something that was going to try and eat his flesh gave him comfort. Why? Because it meant there was still something to fight for: survival.
Survival is all that matters now. Trust is the only thing they have left in a world that is self-destructing itself. But being the human race, they cannot accept that the world wants to die, therefore they continue to fight and continue to survive. Well, the selected few do, anyway.
Andrea and Daryl cleared out some of the walkers that were roaming the road outside the pharmacy and guarded the entrance, so that Glenn could swiftly and quietly gather the goods that the group needed. By the looks of things, the supply run has been successful. Rick would be impressed.
When Glenn returned, Daryl peered over their new things.
"I just shoved as much as I could into the bag. Hershel needed some specific things so I figured I'd just grab everything and anything. There's a good chance that what he needed are in here." Glenn explained. "Were there many walkers while I was in there?"
Andrea was fast to respond. "There were a few, but Mr Dixon over here decided to take a rest by that old oak. What were you thinking, Daryl? You could've got us killed! We can't take risks out here!"
Daryl looked to the ground. He had a tough day. The only reason he went on this supply run was to distract himself from the hunt of the missing girl, Sofia. He can't say he knew her well, but he had dedicated himself to finding her. He felt that he needed to help the others, but Rick refused and said he needed a break.
Every time he thought of Sofia, his heart broke even more. Carol didn't deserve this. She needed Sofia and Daryl was determined to find her. He would resume his search after he gets back to Hershel's farm.
The journey back was tiresome, and the three were overwhelmed with immense fatigue. The bag was heavy, so they took turns carrying it. Daryl could not stop thinking about the little girl, alone and afraid. He hoped that she had found an old barn to hide in, and was safe. He wouldn't stop looking for her.
When they got back to the farm, they were greeted by Dale who had planted himself on the RV. "So how was it?" He bellowed, relieved to see that they had returned safely. Andrea was like a daughter to him, and he cared deeply for her. Daryl made him nervous. He sniggered silently to himself, enjoying Dale's discomfort around him.
"A success! We got all the medical supplies, so Hershel will be happy. Where's Rick? Is there any news with Sofia?" Andrea shouted up to the RV. She grinned at Dale's appearance, which consisted of a flowery shirt, white shorts, a floppy sun hat and flip flops. He also had a pair of binoculars around his neck, and his scratchy grey beard was getting longer.
Dale's expression became wary. He didn't have to say it, but they knew by the look on his face they could tell that the hunt had not progressed.
Daryl made his way over to Rick who was standing by a car which had a map scrawled across the windscreen, examining the different places on it.
"Hey, how was the supply run?" Rick asked, acknowledging his presence.
Daryl wasn't in the mood for talking. He was impatient. "Why aren't you out looking for the little girl?"
Rick sensed his burning anger. "We've been out looking all day. We needed a break, to look at the map and see where else we can look."
A break?, Daryl thought, frustrated and extremely angry. He's been out looking for Sofia every single day, yet when a group goes to look for her they decide a break is necessary?
He tightened his bow and arrow on his back and set off into the nearby woods. He was going to find her and bring her back to her mother. He would not give up.
Gathering his pace, he entered the dark woods, invaded by thick tree trunks and a relentless trail of twigs and leaves. He was a good tracker, he was experienced in the art.
His mind became clouded with emotion, a gut wrenching feeling that he hated. Sadness.
It ate away at him, consuming his strength and repertoire. Eventually, sharp tears pricked his eyes and his vision was impeded. He needed to stop running. One distraction could mean the difference between life or death.
He paused to regather himself and wipe away the tears. Everything he bottled up inside was coming to haunt him in the ghastly demon that is a teardrop. The vessel of emotion. Weakness.
He was frightened for Sofia, he missed the brother who never truly loved him, he wanted to spill his thoughts and feelings, and most of all he wanted to embrace the woman he loved. He wanted to kiss her passionately, to feel the warmth of her body against his. He wanted to wrap his arms around her, protect her from harm and to show how much he loved her.
"Daryl? Are you okay?" A soft voice echoed from behind a tree. He looked up to see Carol standing there, her tired eyes looked sore with worry and fatigue. The mother of the missing girl stood there and looked into his sad eyes.
She was beautiful. She was strong, and yet underestimated by the rest of the group. To Daryl, she was the strongest woman he had ever met. His heart dazzled at the sight of her, and the coldness he felt was blanketed with warmth.
"Yeah. I was out looking for your little girl." He mumbled quietly, slightly shy.
Carol's eyes filled with tears, but she repelled against them, refusing to allow them to fall. "I'm so grateful. I am forever in your debt, Daryl Dixon."
Daryl blushed. Her gratitude felt good. "Don't thank me. It's what anyone would do."
Carol smiled, though it didn't meet her eyes. "I thought I'd come out and look for her, seeing as everyone isn't babysitting me. I can't just sit there while my baby girl is out there, alone."
Daryl wanted to hug her tightly, and tell her everything was going to be okay. But he stayed planted on his feet, and Carol remained by the tree. "We can look together. I need an extra pair of eyes, it's going to be dark soon. Do you have your gun?"
Carol nodded and pointed to the gun tucked into a pocket attached to her jeans. Fully loaded, Daryl observed.
The two set off, calling out Sofia's name and examining tracks. They had no luck. Hours passed by, and they finally decided to take a rest.
