Beautiful Depression

I

This is not an ode to pain you plague me with,
Nor a letter of navigation.
Beautiful sadness, this is reality.

The early mornings that immediately dim
As night is orbiting all around.
Beautiful pain, what do I do?
Sadness, anger, aggravation
What do I do.
I want to cry, but you won't let me.
You wipe my tears and tell me to save them for another day.
I know you're right, but that doesn't take the pain away.

Oh beautiful depression, please tell me how to stop.
Impending doom and death for years has left me living half a life with twice the time.
What's that thunder in my heart? Or was that the rain?
The storms blind so often. I can never tell.
But the pitter patter vibrating in my skin knows.
It knows the weather all too well.

Beautiful depression, you are certainly a mystery.
Just yesterday. The smiles.
Oh what a mischievous play.
When will you be back, my friend?
Whispering my deepest fears to my closed eyes for the millionth time.
What adventure of emotions do you have prepared, and what evidence of your beauty do you plan to show?

Am I wrong to call you beautiful?
Is that not reserved for you?
Is it a ploy to trap you in creases of mine mind,
A plot to gain your trust?
Yes, beautiful depression, I hope to one day be free of you,
To have you awaken in the cold bed by yourself.
So I call you beautiful, in hopes that you'll believe me,
And become so warped in your beauty that you don't see me leave.

I know you will come looking for me
In the corner
At the store
In my dreams
With friends.
You are ruthless in your conquest.
I am your conquest.

Beautiful depression,
What do I do?