Astronaut

Let me introduce myself....

Hi, me name is Nathaniel. And haven't I got me self into a blender. I knew that using a surfboard was a bad idea. But why the hell not.

I slowly rose up from were I had passed out in a drunken slumber and looked around. It was my own little massacre. I've dreamt about it for a long time and let me just say, shite. I've murdered a mass group of people before but this one took a lot more effort to make it successful. Do you know how hard it is to swing a wooded surfboard back and forth to make an effect? I mean come on, these bloody bastards are heavy is fuck too. Not only that, it took me 5 bloody hours just to make the edges sharp enough to go through some thing.

Anyway, I'm fucked. I have to get to me stupid arse home, clean my latex leather suit and dispose the surfboard, all before uni begins.

Ah ha, I've caught you. You may be asking yourself, why the bloody hell is this guy using an latex leather suit as coverage. Well I say, why the hell not. Look, I didn't have anything else to use and I didn't want to spend money. It was also in me attic. And don't ask why, I have no bloody idea.

Shite. I may have started to confuse you already, so I'll just start for the beginning.

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What's upon a time a long, long time ago, I was----------------------- You know what, fuck it! I'll just start from 8th grade.

8th grade was the year I turned batshit mad. I mean straight 100% M.A.D. Why? I still have no fucking idea.

But anyway, I was in my science class and the lab of the day was dissecting a pig. Before I continue, I will just like to say;.... I am one capital F-ucked up person. I was in a group of three. Out of the three, two of the people were grossed out. The other guy, not so much. But, as for me, I was fucking hyped.

Now, when we received the pig, I had already volunteered to do the first incision. The teacher said to cut with care, but I didn't hear a single bloody word the wanker said. I actually cut the pig open before he said anything. And I didn't just slice the pig open. I went full bloody serial killer slicing on this bitch.

To be honest, I thought it was pretty cool, but I " apparently " scared the living shite out of me classmates. They didn't scream, but we're more, how do I described it, " struck with silence " with what just happened. Me professor had to move me to another science class because he was concerned with the " well being " of his other student's. And I was put into therapy.

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After that thrill of that insistence, I started having fantasies. No, not those fantasies with all that nasty shite. I started having fantasies of which leaned more towards the line of killing the human species..... Now I know what you're thinking, is this guy really wanking the fuck off to him self killing people......but no, my good chap, this is not the case as I just said.

Everyday I set aside a time, in which I could write plans of how I could (and later would) kill off the human race. I came up with some pretty weird arse shite. I think, if I am remembering right, I wrote a plan of which I would be able to kill a man with just a paper clip and a piece of string. Don't ask, I don't even know how or why I put that one down....... Never mind, I have figured out the how.. but not the why yet... I'll get back to you on that later.

Ah, precious memories. They aways bring a to tear me eye.