LONE WOLF (On Hold)

Chapter 1 - Goodbye.

My razor and shaving gel are sitting next to where my shampoo was and I quickly scoop them up, too, before dumping them in the bag. I've never been much of a fan of growing beards and usually just stick to a little stubble, so it wouldn't hurt to take them as well.

"Beck," Lucy says when I don't answer straight away. "Where are you going?"

"I don't know," I admit, finally looking at her as I close up my bag.

I honestly have no idea where I'm going, I just know that I want to start new somewhere. Somewhere where life's not so complicated and I can escape my past and my feelings for this girl. Maybe I'll head down south for a while, spend a few days searching until I come across a small little town that I can set up home in.

"Are you..." she trails off as if she's afraid to ask this question, or maybe she's just scared of my answer, before trying again. "Are you coming back?"

I don't know what to say to her. Am I coming back? Should I come back? Wouldn't it be easier if I didn't? We could just leave things as they are before everything ends up getting even more complicated, right? I'd never been planning on staying in this cave forever, only until I could convince Lucy to run away with me, and it's pretty clear now that that's never going to happen. This cave was never going to be a permanent home for me, so why is it so hard to think about leaving it behind?

Because you're leaving alone, a small voice in the back of my head reminds me for the thousandth time, and I clench my jaw slightly and look to the cave wall on the left side of her as I reply.

"I don't know."

The silence stretches between us to the point where it's becoming unbearable and I look back into her eyes to try and see what she's feeling.

My heart squeezes painfully when I see the tears beginning to form in her eyes and my brain starts to yell at it.

Why do you even care? She chose him! She doesn't want you and you need to move the fuck on!

This is exactly why I didn't want her to know that I'm leaving, because she'll get upset and I'll then feel like a complete ass and then she'll try to convince me to stay and I'll listen and we'll just end up back where we started.

No. Not this time. I have to go, even if she doesn't want me to. She can try to convince me all she wants but it won't make a difference. I need to move on with my life, I know that and, deep down, she knows it too.

Once my bag's done up properly I swing it over my shoulder in grim determination. I've made my decision and I'm sticking to it, no matter how much it upsets her. She can cry all she wants but I won't care. Maybe it'll hurt her for a little while but she'll go running back to Justin and he'll convince her that I'm a dick and then she can move on with her life.

The thought of her having a life without me in it hurts but I quickly push it away; it'll hurt a hell of a lot more if I have to sit on the side-lines and watch her and Justin get their happily ever after.

Even so, my heart literally feels like it's being torn in two when her first tear falls. It slides silently down her face and I can't help but hate myself for upsetting her like this.

She's been hurt enough in her life, she doesn't need me to do it too. I can't stay, though. I need to go, I need to-

"Don't go," she says, shaking her head slightly and wiping at her face with her hand when the movement causes another tear to fall.

I'm going to hell.

"I have to," I tell her, looking away from her again as I can't face the pain that her eyes are currently showing me.