Lonely Girl

Two.

I stared out the window, watching as the trees pass by when I remembered.

"Hey, grandma. Is it okay if Alex met us at the airport before we head out? You know, to say goodbye."

She gave me a warm smile. "Of course, dear. Just call him before we board the plane.  

Alex was my boyfriend of nine months and leaving him was one of the haradest parts of everything that's been happening. Not only is he my boyfriend, but he's my best friend. He was there for me when no one else was and I love him for that. 

I thanked grandma and then pulled out my iPhone, plugging in my white skull candy earbuds. Opening the music app, I selected Second and Sebring by Of Mice & Men. Maybe the steady beat of the guitar, or Austin Carlile's powerful voice or the beautiful meaning behind the beat (which it probably was, considering it's about how he lost his mother), but somehow, it made me feel better. Like the entire band wrapped me in a blanket straight out of the dryer, gave me a nice warm cup of coffee and told me it was gonna be okay. It sounds crazy, I know, but that's how music makes me feel.

I stared out the window, watching the palm trees as I pass by. Once again, they made me think about everything. The crash. My parents. Their funeral. The funeral..

*flashback*

"Grandma.. I don't think I can do this.." I choked out, sobbing in her arms.

She let out a deep sigh. "I know, dear.. But you know what? Your Mom and Dad are watching over you right now and they know you're hurting, but they want you to be there. I understand it's tough, loosing your parents, but you need to be strong for them. For me."

"But how?"

"Please, just try. For them.."

I sighed, wiping my tears with my sleeves, leaving black mascara and eye liner marks on them. I nodded to her, walking into the church. Unfamiliar faces filled the room. There were about 50 people here, and I only knew maybe 15 of them. I hate it. I hate how people that barely knew my parents came to tell me and everyone else here things like 'Oh, they were such kind souls' or 'I'm so sorry for your loss. They will be missed'.

Just as I thought, as soon as I walked in, the church went silent. Everyone's eyes were on me. I looked around. Not a single conversation. After about 5 seconds of the awkward hault of voices, people came rushing up to me.

"Oh dear, bless your heart!"

"I can only imagine how you feel."

"They're in heavan now, I promise."

The comments just kept coming. All I could hear in their voices was the pity and sympathy I didn't want. After maybe 10 senconds, I broke. I ran through the mob of fake frowns and hauled myself to the restroom, where I began sobbing again. I took a look in the mirror. The elegant bun that grandma put in my hair was now a horrible mess. The small amount of black makeup I put on this morning was now smudged across my cheeks. My short black dress was wrinkled and no longer looked nice. To sum it up, I was a walking travesty, as my favorite song says. My tears stopped falling. I quickly reached into my small purse and pulled out my phone and earbuds. I played the song and sung along.

"My ship went down

In a sea of sound.

When I woke up alone I had everything:

A handful of moments I wished I could change

And a tongue like a nightmare that cut like a blade.