Last Words Of Love \\ Phan

Chapter 1

There were irrational fears, and then was Phil's greatest fear. Heights, public speaking, failure...at first glance nothing about his phobias seemed especially unusual. Though he might consider himself to be a coward, in actuality his list of fears was shorter than most people's. An effect of this however was that the few fears he did have were overpowering.
Phil's greatest fear was of the name 'Dan.' He was fairly sure that this particular fear stemmed from the words seemingly branded on the inside of his left wrist.
Nice to meet you, Phil Lester. My name is Dan.
The words were nothing out of the ordinary. Everyone Phil knew had words inked somewhere on their wrists. Each phrase was different, but it was almost impossible to find someone who wasn't aware of the significance of the words.
Phil's mum had first told him the story when he was a child.
"You see those words on your wrist? Someday you're going to meet someone whose going to tell you those words. That person is going to be your soulmate."
She had neglected to mention that those would also be the last words your soulmate ever spoke to you.
It was the irony of the situation that this 'Dan's' supposed last words were also an introduction.
Most people had the opportunity to at least get to know their soulmate a little before the end, but Phil wouldn't even have a chance for that. Over before it had even began. Whether it was a mark of how biased life could be or if it was a matter that Phil was one of the least interesting people in the world he didn't know. Either way, he lived in constant fear that one day he would meet someone named Dan only for one of them to die seconds later.
It wasn't so much a fear of the name Dan as it was a fear of introductions. It was a fear of the moment when he met someone new and he had to give his name and hear their's in return. He had no way of knowing which hello was going to be his last.
Finding your soulmate didn't necessarily guarantee death, but Phil had always had an overactive imagination.
Working in a small out of the way bookstore and living in a modest flat in London, his life was far from lavish. But it was enough to get by.
Phil walked up the street, hoodie pulled over his head and a Starbucks cup in one hand. He stopped in front of a moderately sized storefront window. A closed sign was hung in the door, one of the lights still on inside. His free hand reached into his pocket, pulling out a ring of keys.
After wrestling with the lock he made it inside, flipping the sign over so that the open message was showing.
"Its like I just left. Oh, wait, I did," he muttered under his breath. Sometimes he felt guilty for complaining about the length of his lunch break when it was longer than most, but he was convinced that complaining was an inbred trait in humanity. He dumped his keys on the desk along with his cup, heading for the computer and logging into his email.
Phil had just finished unpacking the newest shipment of books when he arrived, immediately identifiable by his fringe and all black attire. While he was a long cry from Sherlock Holmes, Phil thought that he was probably a university student. Whoever he was, he had been visiting the bookstore religiously for the past month. It might have been even longer, but it had been long enough for Phil to be able to recognize him as soon as he walked in.
"Can I help you?" Phil asked, setting aside the box and looking up.
"Um...I'm looking for...well...actually..." the student blushed, fixing his fringe self-consciously. "Do you have any books on h-hamster breeding?"
"Hamster breeding?" Phil repeated, raising his eyebrows slightly. "Let me check." He opened a new tab on the computer, finding his bookmarked pages and clicking the bookstore's website. "It might take a minute, sorry," he added apologetically. "If desktop PCs are the dinosaurs of computers this thing is water." As soon as the joke left his mouth he cringed. Just because he was nerd didn't mean everyone else was.
"Water?"
"There's scientific proof that-never mind."
"I know what proof you're talking about," the student said, taking Phil by surprise. "I just didn't think that anyone else knew about it."
"I didn't either."
A tentative smile was exchanged. The graphics finally loading, Phil typed Hamster Breeding into the search and pressed keyword.
"Downstairs in our non-fiction section," he said after a pause. "Third bookcase, second shelf down. Do you need me to help you or..."
"Third bookcase, second shelf down, non-fiction. I think I'm fine."
"Good luck with your hamsters," Phil said lamely. If punching himself was a plausible and socially acceptable option he would've done it. Why did everything he say have to sound so stilted and awkward?
He had seen the student around enough to feel badly about not knowing his name, but Phil tended to avoid human interaction unless it was completely necessary. Instead, he had come up with own name.
It had started a couple of weeks ago. Phil had been cataloguing some new books when he had happened to pass by a table where a university student was sitting engrossed in a book. Curious, Phil hadn't been able to resist a peak at the title.
The House at Pooh Corner.
Suppressing a smile, Phil had shelved his next book, watching the student from the corner of his eye.
The next week the same student had arrived with a suitcase and a backpack as if he'd just gotten back from a trip. Peaking out of the top of his bag was Pooh, worn and aged.
After that, whenever the familiar fringe appeared the only thing Phil could think was Bear.
"Thanks," Bear said. He turned and walked in the direction of the stairs, his hands shoved in his pockets and his head bowed. Not for the first time Phil wondered what his words were. Bear always seemed to wear long sleeves or bracelets that covered his wrists.
While the Ink and Quill was a considerably smaller than a lot of other bookstores Phil could be working at, the daily influx of people sometimes stressed him out more than he'd ever care to admit.
Every time he said hello to another person, rang up another book, said another goodbye, he couldn't help but wonder. Where they Dan? Had they already found their soulmate? What if they had found their soulmate while waiting in line? Were they still alive?
Ink and Quill paid the taxes but the work was fair from engaging, resulting in too much time on his hands and too much time to think.
Phil watched for Bear the rest of the day, but he never showed up.
The final hour dragged on. By the time the door slammed shut behind the final man Phil was ready to collapse with exhaustion. He let out a long breath through his teeth, allowing his eyes to close for the first time that day.
"Hello?"
Phil opened an eyelid to see Bear standing in front of him, shifting from foot to foot uncomfortably. His other eyelid popped open as he straightened his posture.
"We're closed," Phil said obviously.
"You never came downstairs," Bear shrugged. "No one had come down in a while so I figured that I should come back upstairs."
"Did you find what you were looking for?" Phil asked.
Bear shrugged. "A couple of things," he answered. "I know you're closed, but can I buy this? I promise I'll leave afterwards."
The urge to tell him to come back and buy the book when they were open was tempting, and Phil opened his mouth. He made the mistake of meeting Bear's eyes, impossibly beautiful and completely alluring.
"Okay," Phil found himself saying. He stretched out a hand, and Bear handed him the book. "Have you had a hamster before?"
"It's not actually a book about hamster breeding."
Feeling incredibly stupid, Phil flipped the book over, reading the title. "Seconds?"
"It's by the guy that wrote Scott Pilgrim," Bear explained.
"I read Scott Pilgrim," Phil said, his eyes scanning the synopsis. "I really liked it, too. I didn't know he had released another novel. Half the time I don't pay attention to what I'm organizing." He gave Bear a questioning look. "What happened to your hamster breeding?"
"I suddenly remembered why I'm adverse to breeding hamsters," Bear said, shuddering and making a face. "I'm adverse to owning them in general actually."
"Really? And why's that?" Phil had always wanted a hamster but the rent contract stated that no animals of any kind were allowed without permission.
"It involved a hamster named Suki and a valuable lesson about the price of freedom."
"The price of freedom?"
"It's a long story. If I told you the whole thing we'd be here until morning."
"Are you a university student?" Phil asked, gently putting Seconds in a bag and handing it to Bear. "I see you around here a lot."
"Yeah. I'm studying law but the dorm is too loud to get any work done. The guy next door is constantly playing music. Literally, every time I'm in my room no matter what time of the day it is he's always blasting some kind of music. I wouldn't mind it as much if it were at least good music. But at this point its like, get some headphones for fuck's sake. They're not that expensive." Bear winced, a blush coloring his cheekbones. "Sorry, you probably don't care about my dorm situation."
Phil shrugged. "I don't care. You can rant away." He could have happily listened to Bear talk for the rest of the night except that he really was tired and any moment now Bear could decide to introduce himself. And that would ruin everything. "I really do have to leave, though," he said apologetically.
"Thanks," Bear said quietly, the ghost of a smile flickering over his face. He grabbed his bag from Phil, beginning to move towards the door.
"I'll see you tomorrow," Phil said in a vain attempt to give a slightly less awkward goodbye than he had hello. He failed abysmally.
Bear stopped in his tracks, turning and looking at him with a slightly larger smile. A faint dimple appeared by the crease in his cheek and there was a hint of light in his eyes that had been missing before.
But there was only one thing Phil knew for certain. He wanted to make Bear smile again, a real smile with his dimple showing and eyes lit up and laughing.
"See you then," Bear acknowledged with a small wave. He disappeared through the door, shutting it gently behind him.
Phil turned off the computer, grabbing his wallet and throwing the discarded Starbucks cup in the bin. After a final sweep around the store he concluded that it was empty. He pulled the hood up over his head again, trying to pull his sleeves down even further which was a scientific impossibility as they were already as far down as they were going to go. It wasn't against the law to expose your words, but Phil felt uncomfortable flaunting something so public when he wasn't even sure what they meant. Any time he had dared to wear short sleeves he had felt like people were constantly trying to sneak a glance at his wrist.
After a while he had given up.
As he turned off the lights, flipping the closed sign to the front and heading back down the street towards the nearest cab, for once his thoughts weren't on the words on his wrist. They were somewhere back in the store with a brown haired boy and a melancholy smile.
Phil knew it was dangerous to get too attached to someone, especially someone who he hadn't been properly introduced to yet, but he was only human. Maybe it was because he didn't know anything about Bear besides that he studied law and lived near a guy with loud music that made Phil curious. Or maybe it was because he didn't even know Bear's real name that gave him a false sense of safety and security. Or maybe it was because after twenty-three years of keeping his head low, following the rules, and living by his phobia Phil was bored.
He flagged the next cab, sliding in the back and giving the driver the instructions back to his flat. London passed by in a blur of people and conversations. Phil had always liked cab rides. There was something strangely beautiful in watching life go on yet being able to separate himself from it with the walls and glass of a cab.
It wasn't until Phil was laying in bed that night that it dawned on him.
If Bear had come to Ink and Quill to study than why hadn't he brought any books with him?
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(2259 words)
Hello Friends! I have started another new book! I really hope that you like it because I really like writing it! I'm going to update The Leaderboard in a few days so you can read that too if you would like!

I hope you liked this chapter and I will see you in the next one! Bye!

~Lane🌹