A New Kind of Science / Holtzbert

Lonely

"Mhm." The inventor picked up the fork, hesitantly stabbing into a small corner of the fluffy cube. As she angled the fork just right to pick up a good, but pretty small mouthful of chocolate and vanilla, she tried to ignore the fact that Erin stared at her while she did so. She lifted the utensil to her mouth and sighed before opening it and taking the whole bit on the fork into it. As she chewed, she looked back into Erin's eyes and felt something she'd never felt before. She thought she recalled other people calling it something like...fireflies, or fruit flies, or...something. Butterflies! That's it! Butterflies were in her stomach for the first time in all thirty years of her life. Her eyes widened in the realization of what had just happened and she now knew that her plan to take evasive action was a total fail. Just like most of her inventions in their first models. 

"Good, isn't it?" Erin said when she noticed the woman's eyes widen and then suddenly close. Holtzmann's thought as she closed her eyes was that hopefully she'd open them and this had all been some bizarre dream and she was still back at the 'Kenneth P. Higgins Institute of Science' with Abby before Erin ever walked into her life. Her wish did not come true, however, and in fact things got worse when she felt Gilbert's hand brush against hers in an attempt to take the fork from her. Jillian's eyes shot open. "I just need one bite and then you can have the whole thing if you want." Erin stated.

"No. No. We made a deal. The cake is yours." Her breaths were short and when she watched the brunette take a bite, she put her head down in her arms on the table. She remembered the day they first met and she couldn't help but flirt with Erin. Something about her style and the way she carried herself was so appealing to the blonde that she thought she'd have some fun with her for their brief meeting time. Until....they ended up becoming coworkers and eventually close friends. Now, she felt she couldn't go back and she was really in too deep. The chemicals in her brain were put into action and she knew, by the pain in her chest, that nothing would ever make her forget this feeling. Nothing. Not even science. 

"Do you think it's what I wear?" Erin went back to what she was talking about before the subject of the cake came up and she took another bite. "Should I change my style?" She heard Holtzmann groaning with her face still down. Jillian loved her style and she didn't want her changing it. "Hey, Holtz." Gilbert hoped for an answer. "What do you think I should do? What do I have to change to get Kevin to notice me?"

The exhausted scientist lifted her head, her eyes so squinted, they were almost shut, and she honestly answered, but in a deep and playful voice. "Nothing."

"Nothing?" Erin looked down at herself. "You sure? Because I think maybe if, I don't know...I showed off a little more skin...?" 

Jillian's eyes widened. "Nope. Nothing!" She stuck by her word and leaned her temple against her fist as she had her elbow propped up on the table once again. 

"Nothing? Really?" Gilbert found it hard to believe. "Is it my hair? Should I go back to the Garfield red? Unless it's....Oooooo, I know what it is." Before she continued, she took another bite of the cake and spoke after swallowing. "It's my makeup. I should change the way I do my makeup." The brunette nodded with a smile. "Yeah. Then I could get more men to notice me. And maybe even Kevin."

"They should already notice you." Jillian seemed as though she were falling asleep, though she really was just bored with hearing about Kevin. "If they were good enough for you, they should've already noticed."

"Yeah, I guess so. But still...it wouldn't hurt to try something new, right?" The older of the two actually liked the idea of something different for the first time in years. "There's nothing wrong with a little change. It can be fun sometimes."

"I'm not one for change." Holtzmann readjusted her fist to an open hand, but she still leaned her head against it. "I like things the way the way are. I like YOU the way you are."

"Well, that's very nice of you. Thanks, Holtzy." She took another bite of the cake. "I just hope Kevin picks up on my hints soon, or I'm just going to call it off and die alone." Jillian sucked in her cheeks like a fish and finally put her hand down, standing up and walking over to another table, grabbing one of the tools to fool around with. "What about you?" Erin wondered and the blonde stopped what she was doing, slowly turning her attention to the other ghostbuster.

"What about me?" She repeated, looking at the former professor with fear in her eyes and more butterflies in her stomach.

"Is there a man in your life?" Gilbert genuinely asked.

The blonde let out a loud, boisterous chuckle and she set the tool back down on the table to clap her hands together in amusement. "Ohhhhh, that's funny. You're funny. Hah! No. No. I do not." 

"Oh." Gilbert responded. "Well, we can be lonely together." She giggled and Jillian slammed her hand down on the table as she looked at the intelligent scholar. Erin took another bite of the cake and Holtzmann closed her eyes when another wave of butterflies grew in her abdomen. Suddenly feeling sick, Jillian looked away from the woman and tried to take deep breaths. She took them loudly though and Gilbert thought nothing of it, used to her friend's spontaneity. "Hey, there's one more bite left. Do you want it?" The blonde looked at Erin in the corner of her eye and knew she probably shouldn't eat anything at the moment and she barely shook her head no. "Are you sure?"

"Mhm." Jill's left hand found itself resting on her own stomach and she closed her eyes again as Erin shrugged and ate the last of the cake. The shorter one tried her best to gently breathe again, but it was harder than it should've been, in her opinion. It was just breathing. She did it everyday. What was the problem now? How did something as simple as just being in the same room as Erin suddenly make it impossible for her to accomplish the simple inhalation of oxygen?

All of a sudden, it got worse. She felt her body temperature rising and she hoped her face was still pale and not turning a shade of pink. She felt something else she wasn't quite familiar with. A sort of, strange, burning sensation rose in her nose and the back of her throat and her eyes began to feel dry. Is this what it felt like before one cries? She wondered. The last time she had cried was in grade school and it was over another kid ruining her science project before the judges got to even see it. Soon, she knew her accusations were right when the bottoms of her sea blue eyes were beginning to flood and she abruptly turned her back to Erin. She had turned just on time before a tear fell from both ducts. She refused to let anymore fall and she swallowed as hard as she could which, to her surprise,  worked and prevented anymore to fall. Now came the tricky part. How would she dry her cheeks without Gilbert noticing? 

She grabbed her yellow goggles, putting them back on her face and looked over her shoulder, seeing Erin fiddling with one of her gadgets. A thought came to Jillian's mind and she faked a loud sneeze, causing Gilbert to jump. As Holtzmann held her inner arm up to her face, she dragged it across her cheeks, ridding them of her trail of tears. "Bless you!" The brunette exclaimed before picking up the paper plate and fork in front of her. 

"Thanks." Holtz replied with her arm still over her mouth.

Erin stood and walked over to the garbage can in the corner of the room. After dropping the trash into the bin, she awkwardly turned around to look back at Jillian. "Well, I think I'm gonna...I'm gonna go home." She headed for the door. "Happy birthday."

Seeing the depressed state Erin was in, gave Jill this sudden protective feeling. She hated seeing her so sad and feeling lonely. She opened her mouth to speak, but found it difficult to form words. "Uh...um, hey." She finally managed to choke out. "Erin?" Saying her name made the pain return in her chest and she took in a deep breath when Gilbert stopped by the door and looked at her. "I think you deserve someone better than Kevin. And definitely someone smarter than him." She didn't mean to hint at herself when she decided to talk, but it just slipped out. "You deserve someone who knows what you want." And Kevin clearly didn't, she thought to herself.

The older of the two sent the blonde a small grin and she nodded as if to say thank you. "Goodnight, Jillian." And she was gone. 

The moment Erin left the room, Holtzmann's eyes grew wide upon hearing her first name from the  brunette and she sat down in her stool, leaning her head on the table and letting out one of her frustrated, emotional yells.