Bittersweet

11| Salted Caramel Brownies

"Yeah . . . maybe."

All at once I was happy and sad. I was happy because Gage's selfless act proved he was truly a great guy, but it also proved that he really is avoiding me. I looked down at the half-eaten pastry in my hand no longer hungry anymore.

"Katy?" Mr. Phillips eyed me up and down. "Is something wrong?"

After a moment I let out a long sigh feeling drained from today's events, or lack thereof, and tried to fashion up a natural smile despite how I was feeling.

"Actually my head is starting to hurt. I may have to go home early today. I'm so sorry."

"No need to apologize, that's fine. Just get you some rest. I don't like seeing you this way."

But rest was the last thing that came. Ever since Gage's defensive trainings dwindled down to almost nothing my nightmares have been coming back tenfold. Almost every night this week I have woken up in a cold sweat and shaking violently. When yoga and a shower didn't fix it, I closed my eyes and imagined I was back at the gym with Gage pounding my fists against a punching bag and dodging his attacks. In those moments of training, he gave me something I needed most: power. Without it, I am weak and defenseless in my dreams. I guess I needed him more than I thought.

Even Lamar was noticing a change between us although he didn't pry too much. There really was no explanation for Gage's sudden cold behavior towards me. I don't think I said anything wrong to him, and if I did I would like to know so I can apologize. But other than that I was at a loss.

I wanted so badly to talk to him. Especially after he comes in almost every day looking exhausted and battered up. He was never the most energetic employee, but he didn't wear dark circles under his eyes like a fashions statement before either. And his face . . . I fear that there are more injuries on his body that I can't see because of the black ink covering his majority skin. It was concerning, and at one point I would have confronted him about it, but lately, we are so much like strangers I'm not sure I'm even talking to the same Gage anymore.

I finally broke down the day he stopped calling me Shortcake.

During the entire shift, his playful manner was completely gone replaced with something more professional and distant. Whenever I asked him a question he would address me by name and when I did something stupid he wouldn't roll his eyes and come back with some retort like he normally would. Instead, he would just say something like, "What needs to be refilled, Katy?"

Not short-stack. Not shortcake. Just Katy.

I used to hate him referring to me by nicknames, but now I would give anything to hear him say it again. I wanted my Gage back even if I had no right to wish for it. I wanted my friend. I never knew how lonely my life was until he was absent from it.

However, I decided that today on this Sunday afternoon I am finally going to stop whining about it all. If Gage was going to be this way, then so be it. I couldn't change him, not that I had any right to, so I might as well move along with my life. We had a good run I guess, but laying in bed mopping about what could have been gets me nowhere. It's not like he broke up with me or anything. We weren't even dating! But still, ending any sort of good relationship sucks. A lot.

Regardless I got up out of bed, did a few stretches, and looked for something I haven't used in a while: my running shoes. On days off from the bakery I would usually run to clear my head but lately I've been slacking. But today was going to be a different day.