Pass Me By

June 15, 2012

Sabie- June 15, 2012:

                “You didn’t,” Sophie’s mouth hung agape.  

                I hid my face in my hands. I had finally told Sophie and Amy what had happen at the end of graduation. I don’t know what made me do it, but it was done, and there was no going back.

                To Dom I would forever be known as the girl that poured her heart out to him on graduation day, and he just drove away barely acknowledging my existence. Pretty sweet, right?

                At least the chances of ever seeing him again were slim to none. I honestly don’t know how I would react if I ran in to him. I just prayed that he would stay far away from Ocean City, so I could enjoy my week in peace. No distractions; well no Dom distractions that is.

                Even without him here, I couldn’t get him off my mind. And I hated myself for it. I absolutely hated myself for thinking about him. For only being annoyed with him. For not hating him.

                “I did,” I eventually responded. I could feel angry tears stinging the back of my eyeballs. I clenched my fist together to hold the tears in.

                “What happen?” Amy’s eyes were crazed and wild. They couldn’t believe I had the nerve to go up to him. Honestly neither did I.

                “He drove away,” I choked out. I could feel the tears building up even stronger against my wall. Great. I was not going to cry over this. He wasn’t worth it.

                They both just stared at me, jaws to the floor and eyes wild.

                “No,” they both said in unison.

                I clenched my mouth closed, and just shook my head. I wonder if I looked as torn apart on the outside as I felt on the inside.

                There was a chorus of aw’s from my friends. Last thing I wanted was for them to feel bad for me. Just because some jerk—the same jerk I devoted a year of my life to—had basically ignored my confession. I would not settle for any pity parties on my behalf. I was moving to Florida anyway. Unless he decides to go to the University of Tampa, then I should be fine.

                I just have to move on.

                Build a bridge, and get over it; as my sister always says.

                “It doesn’t matter anyway,” I could hear how thick my voice became. I thought of happy things. Graduation, summer, my friends, college, the beach, anything that would take away the heartache. “This is our senior week, and I’m not going to let any junior take that away from me.”

                I stood up, and shook the sand off of me. Amy and Sophie followed my lead, as I made my way down the beach. I rarely left my hair down, but today was one of those days. It was late spring so the weather was almost like summer, just not as humid. My hair was free to dance around as it pleased. I thought of the meditation exercises we did in Psychology class. I just have to release all of the tension. Let it go down my arms and out my fingers, and down my legs and out my feet. I could imagine my concerns oozing from my pores.

                It helped only the slightest, but it was enough to get me back on track.

                This was my week. He could steal my heart and take my dignity, but he couldn’t take away my friends or my happiness. Those were mine, and he couldn’t take that.