Path To Redemption (Fighter's Den, #1)

Chapter 18 - Emily

"Is his package as massive as I think it is?" She grins wickedly.

"Of all things to ask!" Now it's my turn to scowl. "And why are you thinking about his package, anyways?"

"Ooh," her laughter is just borderline evil. "Possessive. You've got it bad, hun."

I stay silent for a few strained seconds before meekly admitting, "Yes. Like, huge."

Her squeal meets my ears. Why was I afraid to admit this to her, again?

"Then why are you acting like this is a problem?" She asks skeptically, eyes wide.

"It's supposed to be just sex. And while the two of us together feels so right, the circumstances definitely don't."

"And why's that?" She looks at me knowingly and I don't miss that she wants to hear me admit it.

"I really like him, Ave." I say softly.

She leans forward, her chin resting on her arms which are splayed across her knees.

"He is gorgeous." She agrees.

"No denying that but there's so much more to it. I just...God. He's so strong and determined and raw. He's lost so nuch but he gives and gives and gives. He's an amazing father and fighter and he can get confused sometimes but he never stops trying. He may be hesitant about me but I could care less because he genuinely makes my days better. He's made me laugh and smile more in these last two months than I have since mom. His sense of humor is dirty but I'd be lying if I said I didn't like it. He makes me feel wanted and I know he claims that it's only sex but the way he looks at me sometimes makes me think he wants more. I don't think I could handle it if I was wrong about that." I give a broken laugh and take a deep breath before continuing.

"It's just...I want him. All of him. Even the days he's broody and snappish. Somebody has to accept him, flaws and all, and I'd rather it be me than someone else. I've never felt like this about anyone and I'm afraid he's ruined me for all guys. And I want to do the same for him. I want to show him that this connection we have isn't something to run away from but something to run towards. I want to make him happy and I want to give him and Lizzie a life filled with the love they deserve. I don't even know if I'm the right person for it but I won't stop trying until I am." I finish off my heated ramble with a flush, scared about what I just admitted.

Avery is seemingly shocked into silence, gaping at me with wide eyes and a slightly parted mouth that slowly spreads into the goofiest smile I've ever seen.

"Oh my, God." She laughs. "I think you might lo-"

"No." I cut her off abruptly with a nervous laugh. "I'm not there yet. It's too soon."

Avery scowls at my defensive tone.

"Shut up." She snaps and I recoil from her outburst.

"What?" I question in shock.

"I'm so sick of this notion that love is based on time. You people are forgetting that love is based on what you feel. You can know someone for all your life and not love them the way you love someone you've known for mere months. There isn't a specific time scale that defines when it's appropriate to start loving someone. Every person is different, every situation is different, every connection is different. We can't help the way we feel; we can only choose what we do about it. If you want to base love on time, then fine. But how about instead of thinking that you should spend more time with someone before you can admit to loving them, think about it as time is running out and that you should take the chance of loving them before it's gone?"