I took a lazy last puff of my Marlboro as I had 'Set Fire on Rain' plugged in my ears and sitting on the last corner bench of the park thinking how my life turned out this way.For a 17 year old me the world around me stopped.Tears drenched down my cheeks in GRIEF and with a little bit of anger mixed in it.Anger towards the so called "WORLD" around me.I needed a friend or rather an older brother or sister to guide me.And again by feeling my condition the sky above me started to cry.Now I am at the same time sad and wet.
A few years back the world seemed so friendly to me as like most of the youngsters these days like to have.Then 'LIFE' and 'LOVE' both happened.
As I grew older the people around me changed so much that it felt like i never knew any of these people.I simultaneously failed to win my parents and my friends heart.But yet no one felt sorry for me.
From that day till today my world grew smaller and smaller.I had some friends those who are only in my contact list today.My boyfriend left me as I couldn't wish him on our 13th monthly anniversary.We had a fight over a silly issue.After a few days everyone was fine.But who was there to ask me if I was OKAY?
I remember going to gymnastics. My coach and teammates gave me concerned looks. My hair was a mess, my make-up was smudged and my nose was running. My couch pouted and gave me the, 'Another hard day at school?" look. I felt tears pricking the back of my eyes, I dropped my head they couldn't see my face. Tears started streaming down my cheeks; hot, depressed tears. I sniffed and started stretching. How could my life go from happy and confident to depressed and miserable in a matter of weeks? One word; bullying.
It was 2015. My first year of college. I remember I was thrilled and I would practically leap out of bed before my alarm went of, well that soon changed, at the end of term two, people who I thought were my friends started putting me down, spreading rumours about me and excluding me from the group. At first, I thought it was just a teenage girl phase but then they started saying malicious and hurtful things to me. I would go home and tell my parents school was fantastic, then I'd have a shower and bawl my eyes out. I cried and cried until I couldn't feel anymore emotion; until I couldn't cry anymore.
I remember looking at one of my razors and thinking, "Should I?" I felt like self-harming was the only way to stop the pain. I didn't though. I always put the razor down and walked away like nothing was wrong, when in reality I felt abandoned and unwanted. Every morning I would wake up dreading to get out of bed, I would paint a fake smile on my face because I thought it was easier than explaining why I was miserable. I had negative thoughts in my mind 24/7 like, "You're not good enough," or, "You won't get anywhere in life." I felt like my life was spiralling out of control.
If it wasn't for a student of Mr Jawalal College approaching Mrs Sinthia the Coordinator of the school, telling her they were concerned for my well-being I would still be in a depressed, lonely situation, feeling like a nobody. She was there for me and she helped me wake up, she helped me see the light in the darkness, I still get depressed and emotional but I now know how to handle it better and I know Mrs Sinthia is there for me. I will never forget the year 2015, I was hurt and that is why I help other people, because I don't want them feeling the same pain as I once suffered. :)
