reckless - h.s / mature content

29 - revealing secrets

"Somehow, he started screaming at me, when I would ever stop crying, he couldn't stand this anymore. I thought he would be like that because he didn't want to see me that miserable. We had a huge fight, I was screaming at him, insulting him and then I did something stupid." My heart increased in speed and I tried very hard not to start crying again.

"I slapped him. In the moment, my hand met his cheek, I knew I fucked up. I instantly apologised and tried to cup his cheek, but he was already too worked up. I remember, his eyes were filled with hatred to me and then.. that was the first time he punched me." I stuttered, being embarrassed about this part. "Not with his flat hand, he literally used his fist and punched my straight in the face."

I paused, waited for an reaction, but I noticed that Gina was waiting for me to continue, I did. "He didn't even apologise. He just walked away."

"You didn't left him, did you?" Gina asked and I just shook my head.

"After a few days, he apologised and told me he wasn't under control and that I should give him another chance. And the idiot I was, I did. I was so in love, I didn't even second guess my choice to forgive him." I chuckled at my own stupidness. "He did it again of course. It even got worse. On the smallest things, he totally lost control, took his anger out on me. If it was a bad day at work, someone cutting lines when he was driving, me not having cleaned the apartment. It even became a routine. I was the housemaid for him, his sex toy and punching bag. He punched me, pulled my hair, fucked with me and then punched me again." I was feeling nervous about this, but now I had to finish this story.

"Haven't your brother or your friends noticed?" Gina asked in disbelief. "Of course they have. Isaac always wanted me to get out of this apartment, he had a huge fight with Elliot, but he ended in hospital with a few broken bones. They never stopped caring for me, but I stopped caring for myself. Elliot always made sure to keep me on my lowest. He insulted me as a bitch, useless, whore, tramp, slut, worthless. And it worked, I was not leaving him, because I thought I would never find anyone again. I was so scared of being lonely, that I stayed. I was always covered in bruises, always smudged make up and greasy hair and stuff. I was really on the bottom." I didn't even cry telling her this part, I refused to cry over Elliot ever again.

"Sometimes I even had to go to the hospital, when he was throwing things like vases and they cut me. But I never left him. My parents didn't care about me, so they never asked why I was having bruises or black eyes. So we were now together for two years about. After one year he started to punch me regularly. I lived with him and is aggression for a year. And then it snapped. I was his prisoner, nothing more than an object. He fucked me when he felt like it, he punched me when he felt like it. He spit on me, he kicked me, he did not care about me anymore. And after two years, I knew I had to end it."

"You broke up?" Gina was still holding my hand, carefully listening.

"I tried to. I remember how I talked to him, tried to tell him that I couldn't do this anymore, that I deserve better and that he needs to see someone for his problems. He was crying so badly, trying to convince me that he could change and he would stop, but I didn't believe him." I closed my eyes, the worst part waiting to be told.

"I got up from the couch, my things already packed and I wanted to leave for good. But then he snapped, got up and pulled me by my hair, slamming me on the ground. He crouched down next to me, getting his lips on my ear and whispered 'You will never leave me'." I felt goosebumps forming on my whole body at this memory and tears started forming again. I still remember the pain from
this day I felt in my whole body.

"Then he took me by my hair and dragged me along the floor in our bedroom. He lifted me and threw me on the bed. He ripped my clothes off, fucked me and then.. he.. started throwing punches at me. In my face, my abdomen, my throat, my breasts. Everything was hurting, but I was numb. I didn't even fight back, I just let it happen, hoping it would be over soon. He took me by my hair again, dragging me from the bed and started smashing my head against the wall." I let
my head sink in my knees, trying so hard to get rid of the awful memories and Images, which were flashing around in my head.