Caligula and Caesar's Email Adventure

Being Bratz to Bratz

Dear MGAE,

My daughter is a very big fan of your Bratz dolls. Personally, I don’t care for them. I find them to be a waste of time and an objectification of women, but whatever. She’s seven, she doesn’t need to worry about that yet. 

But anyway, I am emailing because I have a few concerns with your dolls. To be blunt, they’ve been making my daughter act in abnormally bratty ways (pun unintended). 

I’ll begin with the small things. She now calls her dad “Big G With the Big D,” which I am assuming came from your poor influences. This has bothered her father and I greatly, because his name doesn’t start with a G; it starts with a C. I’m assuming your packaging’s poor usage of spelling has caused this issue.

She also insists on pronouncing her name with a “Z,” as your dolls often do. So now, instead of “Alyssa,” it’s now “Alyzza.” This is insanely annoying and is impacting her social standing in her circle of other seven year-olds. She’s not even getting texts any more! 

But the biggest thing that has happened is her insistence on dressing like the dolls themselves. This has become a very big issue, especially with her grandparents. They are very conservative, and the fact that she now wears short skirts, tank tops, and tells other boys to “find her speakerbox” is very disturbing to them. I try to tell them it’s just a phase, but I’d rather it stop, myself. The other moms are looking at me strangely, and I don’t fit in anymore with them. Their daughters don’t dress like tramps!

I was wondering if you could email me back a letter to my daughter, from you. Just to try and get her to stop, you know? It’s really starting to become a problem, and I think she would listen to you. 

Thank you so much for your help.

Sincerely, 

Mrs Caligula Caesar