Last Goedde Class

Battle

Our story starts in the summer before fifth grade. This is when the battle started. What battle you might ask? No I didn't serve in the military in fifth grade. This, my friends, was a custody battle. Shoutout to my readers with divorced parents. You know the struggle.

My parents split paths when I was around two years old. Eight years later and my mother decided that she wanted me to live with her now. I for one had no idea what I wanted and still to this day I sometimes question if I made the right decision. I have always been, (and probably always will be) one who has trouble making decisions. I am a very go with the flow kind of person. So, this right here was the struggle of the decade. Everyone expected me to chose one person I loved over another.

I am also very in tune with other people's emotions. You can probably see how that led to even more problems. I felt for my mother and I felt for my father. The only thing I couldn't seem to feel for at the time, was myself. I was the type of person to make sure everyone else was happy before I worried about myself. I still find myself doing that sometimes now and I have to remind myself to how much that tears someone up inside. Life is too short to live unhappily.

Let me elaborate a little more on this picture though to help you understand. My parents do not live close together. My mother, her husband and my half sister live in Indiana while my father, stepmother, step sister and half brother live in Ohio. It's a two hour drive between my two homes. To make this all even better, the court still considers my case, shared parenting. What joy. This separate state lifestyle, is what made fifth grade, and this court case, so stressful. With my mom wanting custody, I wasn't sure what school I would be attending!

At first, I had hopped on board with my mother. It was her turn, she wasn't ready when I was young, as she was only twenty two when she had split with my father, she'd hardly experienced life! That's why she had let my father have custody. Now she felt ready, having settled down again and had another child, she was ready for the parenting scene. By now I had come to realize that I wasn't particularly liking the relationship between me and my stepmother. I was excited by the aspect of spending more time with my mother because by that time I had come to realize that the discipline had really shaped me for the best and it wasn't just mom was mean, it was mom knows what's best for me and she can help me even more if I'm around more often. Then I went back home, and my dad gave me his side of the story.

I hadn't even thought about the fact that I've always gone to the schools around here. My grandmother, whom was a very largely involved in raising me, was here. All my friends, whom I rely on very heavily, were here. My whole childhood was here, and most importantly, my father was here. I didn't know what it was like to be torn until then. I wanted to satisfy both my parents. I wanted both of my parents to be happy. Now I was really stuck. Any way this went, someone would be upset. Someone would be sad, someone would feel unwanted ... because of me. I realize now, that this was inevitable. Eventually people start to wonder what things would be like if life was different, if things would have played out differently, but let me tell you now, that is a dangerous path of thought. For any situation. It's best not to dwell on what could have been, and make good of what is.

Me being torn, led to both parents thinking I would be living with them, my mom took me school supply shopping for the stuff I'd need for the school near her, while dad took me shopping for his school. I was so confused and twisted and lost. I didn't know where to turn or who to talk to. Everyone I cared about had a side, no one was neutral. I was already naturally one to keep thoughts and emotions to myself, and now being afraid of being attacked or judged for my thoughts, I became even more reserved.

This lead to a summer filled with self loathing and confusion. The court was drawing this case out longer than anyone thought it would be. My indecision, led to the court's indecision as they strive to do what's best for the child. Eventually, this led to attending the school by my dad, as he was technically the one with custody. Thankfully, this gave me my year at Goedde, the previous high school building that was turned into a school where the three original elementary schools for my small town in Ohio combined all of their fifth grade students to prepare them for high school.

Once we were there we got separated into two groups for the two floors, hawks and eagles. My two closest friends from elementary and I got separated, (and we have been every year since as well) Kaileigh became an Eagle and Michaella and I became Hawks. We tried to stay close at the beginning, but being on two different floors felt more like being in two different universes and we were forced to make more new friends from our own teams, or rather, most everyone else was, as I have always been horrid at making friends and any that I have today made me their friend rather than the other way around.

Moving onto higher education the three of us have been mixed a couple different ways and I've been introduced to the friends that Kaileigh managed to make on the Eagles which I'm grateful for because they led to great friendships and new experiences. So even though it was a struggle in fifth grade, I'm glad we got separated. Otherwise I probably wouldn't be friends with some of the people I am today, and I wouldn't be as close with Michaella.