Foggy breaths circled the air before me and soon, I grew tired of running.
So I stopped, like the snow that rested upon my eyelashes, for God knows how long.
You're like snow. Beautiful and cold.
With my cries and tears hitting my own ears and the wet, cold snow against my back, I wished upon a snowflake that this was all just a dream.
That Taehyung would come back and take me in his arms and apologise for the cruel joke he played on me.
But he never did. Because this wasn't a dream.
Present day;
I finished speaking to Dr. Kim, telling someone about the reason of the abuse I'd inflicted upon myself for the second time today. I'd told Jimin about this and he led us back to the hospital, soothing me and taking care of me, feeding me himself with the hot soup I sent the nurse back with.
"Have you told Hoseok about what Taehyung did?" Dr. Kim asked.
"No and I never will. Hoseok and him are close friends and I wouldn't want to ruin Taehyung's chances with him."
The psychiatrist nodded.
"Well, I won't be prescribing you any kind of medication although we'll start your impulse control management classes tomorrow."
I thanked him and walked out. I didn't have anywhere else to go except back to my room until I decided to pay Hoseok a visit.
》
"And then she yelled at me, saying something about how horses can't dance. That's bullshit, man! I swear I saw a horse asking me to teach him how to dance."
"I think that was the alcohol," I laughed.
"Yeah, me and Taehyung decided to never drink that stuff again. Too much."
I nodded and looked at the contagious happiness of my friend. After me and Taehyung broke up and I isolated myself in my studio, Hoseok visited me every single day, with take out or coffee. He cheered me up, even when I refused to tell him the reason of my depression. He even danced and sung cheesy songs to make me laugh during teary eyes. With him, I forgot I was an orphan, barely making enough money to support myself. He gave me hope.
And as long as he's happy with Taehyung, I'll never tell him what he did.
"Jungkook."
"Hmm?"
He smiled shyly and looked down. Hoseok was never shy.
"Come on, what is it, Hoesuck?"
He bit his lip and peered up at me through his eyelashes.
"I like Taehyung."
Well, at least his plan worked. He got close enough for Hoseok to like him.
"That's good! When are you going to tell him?" I cheered.
"As soon as I get out of this hospital, I'll tell him. I'll tell him everything." He grinned.
I patted him on the back and for the next two hours, we cracked jokes until his nurse came, asking me to leave for the curfew.
I thought back to what Hoseok had said. I wasn't still in love with Taehyung, I really wasn't. I just couldn't let go of the pain he'd caused.
I walked through the dimmed hallways of the ward. The psychiatry ward was the most quietest, surprisingly. No doctors rushing to bring the dead back to life. No nurses phoning half awake surgeons.
Just then, I saw Jimin walking towards me with Yoongi. He told me it was okay to refer to him by his first name and not as Dr. Min.
When Jimin saw me, he said a quick 'bye' to him and jogged towards me.
"How you doing?" He cheekily asked. Today, his black hair hung low beneath his eyes, making my fingers itch to brush them away.
"Good, I just met Hoseok. H-he said he likes Taehyung and wants to confess to him."
"And how does that make you feel?" He questioned in that probing way doctors do.
I smacked him lightly, teasing him about his expression.
"I am alright."
He nodded. He then cleared his throat, running a hand through his hair. He did that a lot, especially right before he was about to compliment me with a blush that would soon follow my face.
"I've been meaning to ask you this, but may I.."
Yes. I do like you.
"May I.."
Fuck that, I really like you.
I waited.
Jimin looked as if he was struggling for the right words.
He looked up at me, looking frightened.
"Can I-I," he started to use hand gestures to express his lost words.
What the heck is he saying?
"Ah damn, forget it." He ran an impatient hand through his hair, looking almost bewildered.
He stepped around me and mumbled a quick 'goodnight.'
And with that, I was left alone, standing in the vacant hallway, a funny prick of fear tickling my thoughts.
Jimin didn't look as if he was nervous.
It looked as if he,
forgot his words.
--
your desires.
