Daily Diary

July 7th 2016

Well here we are, taking another crack at this. I am writing it to hopefully show some one out there that there is a chance in life. I wasnt given hope in my life for the longest while with my past and now with my future its very unsure. Today I already feel really bad. I instantly got depressed even surrounded by people I love. They just say Well just snap out of it. Its not that easy. I sometimes wish it was just the end. I lost my father when I was 12. I never had a mother until I met my mother, But its really hard dealing with taking my birth mother through trail for selling me as a sex slave. I am depressed and no one can see this. I sometimes wish the one person who I need the most would come see through my smile and see the tears that are rolling down my face. Sometimes I wish I did have a mother who was there to hug me, to kiss me, to show me the way to go, I wish I had someone to kiss my ouchies all gone. There are just times where I am really jealous of people with normal families. Or even divorced parents, At least they cared. My dad cared but he committed suicide so i cant really defend him on this. I love him with everything I am. There are just some days where I wish I could just take all the pain I have in my body and my soul, and make it just disappear. I don't want to hurt anymore. I dont want to be Mommy anymore. I want to be a kid with two parents who loved her with all they had. I wish I could go up to My mom and tell her I felt sick. Then her taking my hand and put me in bed to try and make me feel better. There are many days where I feel like I want to crawl up with her. What is going on with this is my Birth mother was a very bad mother. She gave me life but she made that life not even worth living. I found the most amazing person, who makes me so happy. But there are times where I need to have someone hold me while I cry and not be disappointed in who I am becoming. I want to not feel like I dont belong. I want to feel loved. Thats it. I just want to feel loved. I know I am loved but I am not feeling like I am. One day I will. There has to be a day.

- Me.