Persona (tentative title)

Prologue

This is my first attempt to write a story, and I am being a little bold by actually publishing it online. This is the prologue for a story I may pursue further. I just wanted to maybe get some opinions on it first before writing more. Constructive criticism is welcome. Hope you enjoy!

                                               *************************

Once again, she was welcomed by the solace provided by the closing of her room door.

"Ah, finally I was able to get away." She said as she was looking toward the ceiling in relief.

Feet dragging along the floor, she sought out and slumped onto her bed that she found so comfortable even though the mattress was so old. She wasn't particularly physically exhausted, no, but her body was absolutely drained due to mental exhaustion. With great difficultly, although her body seemed to creak from the strain, she inched her way over closer to her pillows to bury her face in them while simultaneously managing to cover her body with the excessive amount of blankets strewn about her bed.

It's been a long day. She thought.

To her dismay, as always, despite how much she desired to just empty her mind of everything and anything to just get some sleep, her mind was busier than ever.

*Sigh* Why is it that whenever night rolls around, I can never stop thinking? It makes it so hard to sleep, I envy people that can just doze right off the moment they hit the bed.

Slightly bitter, she rolled onto her other side, trying to find the position that felt just right.

After what felt like an eternity passed by, her eyelids were slowly becoming heavy. Just when slumber seemed to be finally seizing her, images flashed before her eyes along with the voices to accompany them, invading her ears despite them being conjured within her head.

"Someday, I am not going to be here. I am sick, sick and tired. Who knows when I will die, it could be any day now. But when that day comes, you don't even need to bury me, just leave me be! You obviously don't care! I have been providing for so many years for you guys, and this is the thanks I get?! I just provide, provide, provide, and for what? What have you done for me, huh? I just need some fucking support! I am just striving to help us survive! Why are you so incapable?! You have to learn! The world is harsh out there, if it wasn't for me, we would be out in the fucking streets, for fucks sake! You should at least get a job, or help around the house! At least you are getting an education, which I am paying for! Make something of yourself, that way you can pay me back in the future! I can't even go back to school and get a better education for myself! I never get any respect or help! Just help me, just fucking help me! If it wasn't for you guys and your mom, I would be fucking rich by now! I lost so much money because of her mistakes! All the cars, the houses...I paid for them all! If it wasn't for you guys, I would just frickin' croak! I can't even die!...."

Die...

She jolted upright, arms and legs flailing, her heartbeat and breaths uneven. Tears started to brim her eyes.

Fuck!

She bent over, looking down, bringing her knees up closer. After a while of just sitting there, silently lamenting, her eyes flitted to the clock on her dresser.

Getting close to three in the morning, huh? Great...

Flopping back down on her bed, to stare at the ceiling, she started to laugh. A desolate, empty and harrowed laugh that was barely audible. With a bitter smile upon her face, tears streamed down her cheeks.

You don't think I want to be something more? You don't think I want to get a job so I can save up for my school expenses and maybe help out with the bills? You don't think I tried hard enough to get good grades to get into a good program along with scholarships to pay for school? I took care of many thousands of dollars -by myself- with scholarships, grants, bursaries and loans! What did you see? The mere little bit over $2,000 leftover to pay, that's what. I was almost always the top student in my classes in high school, studying all the time. Heck, I was second in my entire year when I graduated! What congratulations did I get for that? Just more pressure from him to do even better...to not mess up. I barely hung out with friends; we never have anyone over at the house, like it is some sort of taboo. Then when it came to a friend inviting me over for a birthday party, a frickin' once a year event, I would be treated like some trashy party animal. I don't even drink nor do any drugs, yet he warns me about shit like that. I even arrange my own rides to the few parties I actually do attend, when able. Still, I get a lecture every time I ask to go out. He says things like, "Oh, why even bother asking me, I never say no to you guys. You just do whatever you want anyway. Whenever you talk to me, it is always when you need something." Are you frickin' kidding me!? I ask him for permission because he makes a scene if I don't, and then he says shit like that when I do ask him! Another thing, I barely ever ask him for anything. I barely have a social life; never had a boyfriend, never got in trouble, and never asked him for money. Hell, almost all the clothes that I wear are either hand-me-downs, or stuff from frickin' grocery stores that do not even exceed $10! I cook for myself occasionally, yet he claims I can't make food. In fact, his food is the one that ends up neglected in the fridge. I clean up around the house, and if he wants me to do something, he can just ask. It is not like I will refuse! He just wants me do everything for him without him having to ask. I can't break anything, or I will be called stupid, clumsy, and reminded incessantly that we do not have a lot of money. He finds fault in everything I do. Everyone in this family is just never happy! I try so hard to please him, yet...yet...

...what more do you want?

...what do you want from me?

*******

Unchanging, the morning came once again. Routinely, she dragged herself from bed and got dressed. Before heading out of her room, she took one more look at the mirror.

Forcing a smile on her face she thought:

Okay, Kate, it is not like it is anything new. Stop wallowing in self pity and get a move on.

By the time she left her room, her face was arguably more tranquil than the surface of an undisturbed lake, flaunting the persona of normalcy that she had years to develop and refine.