Falling Slowly

Chapter Three: Body & Mind

I chose the latter.

It was selfish and hoped that I wasn’t wrong.

I ran forward and saw the small smile forming on his lips. “Do you have an extra helmet?”

He grabbed his and tossed it at me.  “Your house is just over the bridge. I’ll be careful.”

Gnawing at my bottom lip, I suddenly felt queasy. “No, I-what if something happens? It’s raining and the road is dangerous.” I took a step back, thinking twice about my decision. “You could lose control and you-”

“Will you just get on?” He said annoyed.

I huffed in agitation and strapped on the helmet. Hiking up my dress I climbed on and shivered at the coldness of the leather on my skin. “Hold on tight.”

He revved up the engine and gently pushed off the curb – the action made me veer to the left and without another thought I snaked my arms around his waist like a vice, fearing that if I let go it would cause my untimely death.

Liam chuckled and I had a smartass retort at the tip of my tongue, but my voice caught in my throat as we began to zoom through the streets. I gasped at the velocity and tightened my hold around Liam’s waist. The air whipped around me and I pressed the side of my cheek to his back, making myself small in the space given between us. I was hyper aware of my surroundings, and of my body. My thighs ached by how clenched together they were around Liam’s hips; holding on for dear life.  My arms were tightly clasped around his waist where I could feel the hardness of his abs underneath his leather jacket.  Then there was the strong scent of his musk that strangely smelled of cinnamon as I breathed him in. It reminded me of warm winter nights sitting by the fire drinking eggnog, while we talked about everything and nothing…

What in the world was I doing?

I mentally slapped myself and closed my eyes, blocking away all my thoughts - concentrating on the rain and wind as it bit my skin. The roars of thunder made me shudder as its angry cries filled the vast plane. I looked up at the sky to catch the crackle of lighting breaking through the dark gray atmosphere. Slowly, I began to count in my head as I did when I was younger.

One Mississippi…two Mississippi…three Mississippi…four Mississ-

Another wave of lighting broke through the sky and I cringed.

The storm was only four miles away.

We began to slow down as the familiarity of my neighborhood came into view. Liam came to a stop on the curb of my house and killed the engine. I climbed off the bike ungracefully; almost tripping over my own feet as the feel of gravity came crashing down on me. Liam caught my forearm, sending a burning fire coursing through my veins as he steadied me.

“Thanks,” I muttered as I averted my eyes to look at my feet. I was suddenly nervous to be around him, and I was afraid to see what I might find when he looked at me. This was unprecedented. I wasn’t very good when it came to dealing with things out of my comfort zone, and he was definitely one of those things.

“I think I see your dad at the window,” I heard him say. I turned on my heel and saw that his observation was true. Dad disappeared, drawing the curtain back as I saw his shadow move towards the direction of the kitchen on the thin white curtains. I was so dead. Dad was going to blow a gasket.

I sighed, dreading the uncomfortable conversation that would ensue once I stepped inside. The roar of the engine made me whirl around, and before I could thank him for the ride – Liam was already down the road with only the glow of streetlights to illuminate his way home as the sun set.

 ***

Later that night, as I laid in bed, I heard my parent’s muffled voices through the paper thin walls. My father’s voice was low and had an edge that I’d never heard before.

“She was on the back of his bike, Charlotte. It was dangerous and reckless! She shouldn’t have been on it in the first place. Not with this kind of weather and not ever in her life until she’s thirty!”

I heard my mother giggle and said in a tone that I could only guess as teasing, “I never thought to see the day you’d be acting this way.”

Pause.

“Oh, God…I’ve become my worst nightmare: the overprotective father.”

A smile tugged at the corners of my mouth at my father’s realization. It couldn’t have come at a better time. There was a small part of me that feared he would talk to Liam tomorrow before homeroom. I would die of humiliation or better yet, I’d silently pray for the ground beneath me to open up and swallow me whole.

Either one would be great.

“It happens to the best of us. You wouldn’t be a good father if you didn’t care about your little girl’s well being,” my mother said soothingly.

There was a long pause and I waited for what seemed like hours for more words to be spoken between them. I glanced over at my clock and read 10:47 in big neon purple numbers. I sighed, feeling the heavy wave of exhaustion wash over me like quicksand. But I willed my body and mind to stay awake for just a bit longer.

Finally, I heard my mother say, “We need to let her make her own decisions. It’s her life and if she wants Liam back into her life we have no right telling her otherwise. You know how these kinds of decisions are precious to her.”

I sighed in relief.  If I could I would jump out of bed and hug my mom. She always understood when it came to factors of my life. If I told her I wanted to go and jump off a small cliff she would support me. Dad would also support me after he tried to reason that it was dangerous. He was always concerned about my well-being, and I didn’t blame him.

“I know,” dad said. “You’re right. I’ll just have to grin and bear it, won’t I?”

“That’s right, honey.”

I had to hand it to Mom. She was the best negotiator on the planet! With my mind at ease I let my body rest and hoped that aching in my bones would subside by morning. My mind was a different matter as they were filled with thoughts of Liam.

He had entered back into my life, and now it would be difficult to extract him from my mind like it had been in the very beginning.

It had taken two years to let him go, and watch as his life slowly unraveled from the seams.

Could I do the same thing again?

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