Lover Dearest (Ziam Vampire AU)

Chapter 20

Zayn sighs, turning around. It's so easy for him to maneuver them, to push Liam down onto his back and settle on top of him, holding him down easily with his hands on Liam's wrists, never pressing too hard. "I figured you'd ask eventually," he says, hair falling over his eyes because he's leaned forward a bit. "I mean, we all knew this was coming."

"You did?"

Zayn nods. "And — Harry and Niall have been ready to let you for years. Since you turned sixteen."

"But—"

"I didn't let them," Zayn explains. "I don't want you to leave."

Liam struggles against Zayn's hands, wanting to reach up and brush that look off his face, the pained, pinched look that mars his features. "Why not?"

"Because I'm selfish," Zayn admits. "I wanted — want to keep you here. With me. Just me. My Liam, yeah?"

"Yeah," Liam says, because he is.

"And if you leave, you won't be," Zayn says. "And one day you might not want to come back."

Liam snorts and Zayn gives him an offended look. "Sorry," he hastily adds. "It's just, like. I'll always want to come back, and I really don't know how you can't see that. You guys are my family. I'm not trying to run away, Zayn. I just want a bit of freedom. I want more than just the rooms of this house, the fenced in grounds. I need more than that."

"Louis' corrupted you," Zayn complains. "I should have seen this coming. I almost liked it better when he was hellbent on killing you."

"It's not Louis," Liam admits. "Maybe he gave me a shove in the right direction, but I'm the one who wants this. I think I have for a long time, I just didn't want to ask and be disappointed."

"And what if I say no?" Zayn asks, defiance in his eyes, in the raised set of his brows.

"Then I'll end up resenting you for it," Liam says honestly.

Zayn sighs and looks away. "Figured as much. Couldn't help but try, though." He releases Liam's hands, but doesn't move to get off him. "I just don't know what I'm going to do when you're not here all the time. When I'm not always around to make sure you're safe. That — that scares the fuck out of me."

"I'm not a toddler," Liam reminds him. "I'm more capable than you give me credit for."

"Trust me, I know that," Zayn says. "But still." He cups both sides of Liam's face. "Whole world in the palms of my hands, remember? It freaks me out, thinking about giving that away. Trusting the world with something that means everything to me."

Liam licks his lips, trying not to blush. "I mean that much to you?"

"Everything," Zayn says. "You mean everything to me."

Liam searches his eyes, expecting to find something false in them but he doesn't. "Why didn't you tell me?" he whispers. "Why didn't you let me know that you felt like that?"

Zayn laughs, sardonic and soft. "Because I'm horrible at caring for things, Liam. But I've told you I love you a million times. You just weren't listening."

"You never did," Liam protests. "You never said it."

"Not with words," Zayn admits. He trails his fingers down Liam's neck, light as a feather. "But in every other way I could think of, I did."

Kiss me, kiss me, kiss me, Liam thinks. "Kiss me," he says.

Zayn's gaze drops to Liam's lips, and there's one horrible, embarrassing moment where he thinks Zayn's going to get off him, tell him no. But then he leans down, hair tickling Liam's skin. All he does is breathe in Liam's air for a moment, a give and take between both of their parted lips before Liam surges up and kisses him first instead.

Zayn falls forward onto his hands, for once not at all cautious about crushing Liam beneath him the way he normally is. Instead he blankets Liam's body with his own, heavy and perfect as Liam grabs at his hair, clinging desperately to him.

It's the kind of painfully slow kiss that leaves Liam breathless and too hot. That has him curling his tongue against Zayn and pushing up against him, unable to get any closer but trying his best anyways. At least it's not just Liam falling apart, bit by bit. Zayn's making these lost, hungry sounds into his mouth like he can't get enough as he licks at Liam's tongue, lips, tracing the roof of his mouth with the tip of his tongue.

Liam grins into the kiss, pulling back just enough to laugh against Zayn's lips. "What?" Zayn asks.

Liam shakes his head, carding his hands through Zayn's hair. "It's just, like, incredible. This. I didn't think you'd ever — I didn't think I'd ever get to have this."

Zayn flips them over so Liam's balanced precariously on top of him, steadied by his hands. "You can have whatever you want," he says. "Anything. Everything."

"I don't want everything," Liam tells him. He presses his lips to Zayn's again. "Just you."

"You've had me for a long time," Zayn says.

Liam taps his fingers against Zayn's collarbone. "I didn't realize that."

"You should have. It was really obvious, babe."

"It would have been if you knew how to use your words," Liam teases.

Zayn tugs him down by the front of his shirt, but his lips skid by Liam's, over his jaw, teeth nipping at his ear. He didn't even know that was a place that he wanted Zayn's lips, but apparently it was. He shivers, just as Zayn says, "You want me to use my words? Want me to tell you how good you taste? How badly I've wanted to put my mouth on every inch of your skin? That I want to fucking ruin you, but I'm afraid I might actually do it?"

Liam makes an embarrassing sound, eyes falling closed.

"Or," Zayn says, fingers tracing Liam's spine, "do you want me to tell you that I know every single thing about you, and there's not one part that I'm not in love with? That sometimes I wish you really had ran that day when I held that door open and told you to go, because it's too much to handle sometimes? That I'm afraid I'll never be good enough for you because I'm not, and I'm terrified of the day you realize that?"

"What if I'm the one that's not good enough for you?" Liam counters.

Zayn smiles at him. "Impossible, sweetheart."

Liam doesn't argue, even though he thinks it's true. "I'm in love with you too, you know," he says. "Like, I don't know everything about you yet, but I want to. And there's nothing I've learnt about you that I don't — that I don't love, just so you know. For years, Zayn. God, I've had the biggest crush on you since I was fourteen and horribly awkward and you were this perfect person, right out of those old oil paintings you hang up everywhere, so gorgeous it actually hurts to look at for too long."

"You never told me either," Zayn says. "You never said it either."

"Because I thought it was stupid," Liam admits. "I never thought you'd ever look at me like that. Why tell you when it would ruin everything?"

Zayn's hands ruck up Liam's shirt, nails digging into his hips. "Everything look ruined to you right now?"

Liam's leaning on top of Zayn, hands splayed on his chest, Zayn's hair a mess, his cheeks red, his lips swollen from kissing and still a little slick. "Everything looks perfect from here, actually."