Beside You.

Chapter 1 - Go Ahead and Judge Me

Handcuffs around my wrists and my head hanging down. I remember the day so well that it I could say everything word for word. I sat in the one wooden chair in the middle of the room. People stared at me like I was some kind of freak show at a circus. People recorded the incident. I often wonder if any of them felt some sort of sorrow for me. I wonder if any of them wanted to help me. Though, I highly doubt it. I don't know why, but I knew I deserved what was coming to me at the time, but now, everything said to me was all a lie. I think of a one way mirror as my brain. My mind can see everything going on around me, but know one can see what's going on in my own head. My hearts starts to pound, harder and harder as I see the man dressed in the black robe state my rights. My hands start to shake and my handcuffs fall off. With my face in shock, and the handcuffs slowly hitting the ground, I then realize, this is all my fault.

I jump straight up. The room is dark and my whole body is trembling. I hold up my hands to see there are no handcuffs and take a deep breath. I look at my bed sheets and grab them tight. I can feel tears streaming down my face, "Don't worry, it's over now. Your mind is just trying to play tricks on you." At this point I'm flat out sobbing. I had been having that dream for the past 2 weeks. Ever since we moved I have had nightmares. I feel like a little kid when the thunder outside is too loud and the lighting is too bright. Everything is so much scarier now. At heart I'm a child. At mind, I'm a lost soul.

* * * * * *

I slip on my green converse and grab my school bag. I walk to my door and open it. I look back in my room as I exit it. I wished I hadn't agreed to ever going back to school. I wanted to stay in my bed forever, like I could survive not leaving my room. I ran downstairs and into the kitchen. I stopped so suddenly. I was frozen. I couldn't believe my eyes for a few seconds. My mother and my cousin Riley were sitting at the table, drinking coffee, and staring right at me. I dropped my school bag and ran up to Riley and hugged her. Riley hugged me back,"It's good to see you too, Avalon." I break from the hug," Riley what are you doing here, shouldn't you be at your work?" She laughed," I'm twenty six not forty. I do still have a life. Not everything is about being a psychiatrist you know."
"I know, I'm just really surprised you're here!"
My mother then stated,"Riley will be staying with us for a little while. Her job will take place near our town for the next few months so I invited her to stay here." I look over to my mother. I raise an eyebrow,"Well that's good." I look back over to Riley,"I'm so glad you're staying with us, Riley!" She smiles at me. Her smile is so relaxed, like she doesn't have to work at it to have people know she is happy. I envy that. I look to the clock on the wall,"Oh I should be going. I want to stop by the bakery down the street before I head to school." As I'm walking out the door my mother speaks loudly so I can hear her," Avalon, all of us are going to have a talk tonight! Try not to forget!" I just keep walking even though I heard her. I hate looking at my mother. She blames me for the whole thing. I could hear her yelling at me like she did the day my life changed. I'm pretty sure it happened on the 17th of July. So, about a month ago I'm guessing. One of the most terrible feelings I have. Hatred towards someone I'm suppose to love. I can't stand it. Other times, I know she can't help it. That her only daughter is a complete screw up. A let down.

* * * * * *

I step into Picasso Pastry Shop and I feel a breeze when I enter the building. It felt like I had just teleported to another world. A really cold one. The scent of vanilla and buttercream filled the air and sweets were everywhere. Cookies, cakes, brownies, even flan and whoopie pies. I went straight for a chocolate Swiss roll. They looked so good. I picked up two that were wrapped in clear plastic and had a little blue bow on top of it. It was probably one of the cutest dessert packaging I've ever seen. I made my way over to the clerk at the register. I smiled and put the rolls on the counter top. As I was pulling out the money for my treat I heard the clerk gasp. I immediately looked over to see the clerk was in shock. She looked the same age as me, but trust me we were complete opposites. I was wearing ripped jeans and a black t-shirt. She was wearing a skirt and a hangover shirt. She muttered like she was trying to say something but I couldn't make it out. She was really quite.
"Excuse me?" I said as politely as I could. Her lips curved with confusion, " Are..you.. Avalon Gray?"
My eyes were wide open. I was petrified. She knew my name which meant, she had seen the news report. I had no clue what to do. What do I do, make a run for it? How the heck did she see it on tv? It was only aired in my district for a day. "How do you know my name?" I asked. I looked at her name tag. It said Venus. I liked her name. It was unique.
"So you are Avalon Gray. I know because it's everywhere online." My jaw dropped,"What." She pulled out her phone and typed on her screen. Then she put up so I could see the screen. On it there were tons of articles written about "Avalon Gray", the girl who took it too far. They had over ten thousand views on each of them. I started shaking my head really fast," This cannot be happening. The whole continent of North America probably knows I am a horrible person.And now I have to go to school knowing everyone is going to see me as a mental freak. This is just great.." Actually, I couldn't believe how calm I was at that moment. Venus kept looking at me with wondering eyes.
"But you don't seem like a bad person. You're so relaxed right now even though you just found out something major, I would say you are completely sane. I blinked twice to make sure I was dreaming. Who knew, the girl at the bakery shop, would be the first to tell me, I am completely sane.