For Auld Lang Syne (Navy Book 1)

Chapter 12

In the end, a whole day's work was condensed into a thirty-minute synopsis and it seemed to be what they wanted to hear because when Grant had finished they were thanked and sent on their way with the understanding that if any questions came up they would be asked.

Devon allowed her eyes to skim the room taking in a lot of defensive and angry posturing. She allowed her eyes to meet Josh's for just a moment but his return stare was cold and vacant. She did her best to hide the fear for him that she knew was reflected in her eyes. There was no doubt in her mind that the answers they had provided were enough to send them all back to fight, to what seemed to her to be an endless battle.

Grant walked with her back to her office before looking at his watch. "I'm gonna head to the bar, you coming?" He looked at her concerned.

"Maybe later, I had to put off a class today, and I need to find a way to make it up. I have to rearrange some lesson plans." She threw her stuff down on the desk and fell into her chair. "I'd rather do it now and get it over with."

"I'd try to talk you out of it, but I don't think it will work."

She smiled nodding her agreement. "Say hi to Nina for me., she teased, knowing that was why he was going. "You know you're going to have some late date nights if you date a bar owner, right?"

"I always was a night owl." He grinned back then waved as he moved off down the hall.

Devon listened to the silence that surrounded her. It was late and the building was almost empty. She could work on the changes tomorrow, but staying busy seemed to be the ideal way to keep her imagination from wandering.

She stood up and kicked off her heels, took off her jacket, and was just letting her hair down when there was a knock on her open door. "What is it with you and undressing in the most inappropriate places?" Josh's deep voice asked.

Devon knew he was trying to make light of a serious situation, but it was not a lead she wanted to follow. "I have some work to do, and I might as well be comfortable while I'm doing it," she said defensively as she sat in her chair behind her desk.

"May I join you?" he asked from where he was still standing in the hallway.

"Sure." She motioned to one of the visitor chairs.

Devon couldn't help but remember that this serious man had held her in his arms last night and it had felt as if he would never let her go, but then maybe that had been her imagination. Wishful thinking.

Josh closed the door behind him as he entered the office, and she watched as he looked at her office walls taking in her degrees and certificates. There were photos of her, Nina, and Grant, as well as a few other friends from California, but buried in the center of it all was a photo of her and Josh when she was thirteen and he was fifteen. She had a cast on her arm from when she had fallen from the tree and he had called her Firefly for the first time.

"I remember this," he said, his voice gruffer than usual.

"Surprisingly no one has recognized that as being a picture of you," Devon mused, crossing the room and joining him in looking at it. "Everyone always looks at the photo and recognizes me, but they never seem to see you."

"We've both changed a lot, but you still have that red hair." Josh's eyes scanned her hair and face.

"We haven't changed that much Josh, who we are is still the same as you so aptly pointed out at Bree's engagement party." She took the photo and looked at it.  Josh had been much skinnier, and his hair had been longer, but the grey eyes and smile were exactly the same.

"No, Devon we're not the same as we were when we were kids. You're not the same, and I'm sorry I said what I did." He watched her as she set the photo back in its place. "There have to be plenty of photos of us Devon, why do you have that one?"

"Maybe because this photo proves that I'm still the same girl and you're still the same boy deep down, despite what you say." She shrugged.

"So you disagree that I could have changed." He leaned against the filing cabinet and watched her. What could she say, that the reason she kept the photo was that it was the moment that she had realized that she loved him? She definitely couldn't say that the reason that she knew she was the same was that even after ten years of separation her heart still felt the same. Ten years of living hadn't changed the love in her heart one iota and it never would.

Devon turned to go back to her desk and Josh reached out, grabbing her arm and pulling her close. He had pulled her so tight against him that she was forced to crane her neck to look up at him. One hand came up behind her, landing in the small of her back, and the hand that had been holding her arm moved up to tuck some hair behind her ear. She licked her lips nervously.

"I can only tell you that I haven't changed Josh, at least not when it comes to the important stuff." It was a whisper. "I'm learning that I never really knew you that well, so maybe you have changed."

"You've always known me better than anyone Devon and that scares the hell out of me." He took a shaky breath. "I've had to work hard to guard myself against it."

Devon felt as if he had punched her in the gut with his words. He didn't want her to know him, he didn't want her to love him, which could only mean that he didn't love her even in the most basic form of friendship.

She tried to pull away but he held her tight. "You're always trying your best to misunderstand me."

"I think I understood that just fine, Josh." She felt angry that he wouldn't let her go, angry that she loved a man that could never love her.

"You're beautiful, but when you're angry you're magnificent." His finger caressed her cheek and she had to close her eyes as her anger fled and desire replaced it.

"Don't start unless you plan to finish this time," She hissed, sure her heart was going to burst out of her chest. She was sure he was about to kiss her when there was a knock at the door and she gave a little whimper in protest at the interruption.

The door opened and Kellan stuck his head around the door, "Are you ready?"

Josh nodded as he slowly released her. "One day you're going to explain why you have that photograph, Devon."

She didn't comment as he turned and walked away. There was no way she would ever explain it, it would hurt too much.