Downhill // Niall Horan

Chapter 4

Niall felt that feeling again.

He didnt know how to describe it - but he knew it was the feeling often labelled as "empty".

But Niall didn't think that properly described the feeling. He did, he would admit, feel empty, but emptiness signifies nothingness - and he definitely felt something.

He felt limp, numb, weak, empty - but at the same time, he felt a strong feeling in the pit of his stomach. The feeling was such a strong feeling of emptiness - that it was a feeling of heaviness. His stomach churned and he felt he could get sick at any moment, but he knew he wouldn't actually get sick.

For, Niall couldn't do anything.

He had lost the will, and the strength to do anything.

So he just sat there, unmoving, on the cold floor of the bathroom.

He could hear Louis' repeated knocks on the door, and him call and beg for him to open the door, but he just continued to sit there without any sort of reaction at all to the noises.

Niall kept thinking to himself that if he even bothered enough, maybe he could just act happy and forget about everything bad - that he was just bringing this sadness on himself when he could be thinking about better things - but really, he couldn't. He just sat there, with not even the will to move.

And what made it even worse - everything that was happening - was that this was his life.

What had been done had been done and there was no turning back. No matter what happened from then on forward, there would always be that time of great sadness and depression in his life - even if it didn't last long.

And deep down in his heart, Niall knew his relationship with all of his bandmates would never be the same after this - no matter what.

It was weird, he thought, that one single event could change him completely. Niall had always been described as a happy-go-lucky, carefree boy who absolutely loved life - but after that one night, he was anything but any of those things, he was ashamed to admit.

By the words Louis was speaking - to Niall, to himself, and to the other bandmates he was beginning to call loudly to come here - Niall could tell Louis thought he was doing something to himself.

But he wasn't.

Niall just couldn't bring himself to do anything suicide related to himself.

Not just yet, anyway.

"Niall? Speak to me, please." Louis had his head and fists rested against the door as he begged his band mate to open the door. He was growing increasingly worried about whether or not Niall was actually able to hear him, or if he had already done something to himself.

The thought terrified Louis, but it was almost as if he wouldn't actually believe such a thing as that, because the Niall he knew was strong and would never let anything tear him down to the point of suicide.

The Niall he knew had already proven to be false, so at this point, Louis didn't really know what to think at all.

"What is it? Whats wrong with Niall?" A soft voice from behind Louis asked. Louis looked around to the owner of the so fragile sounding voice, to see someone who looked just as fragile as they sounded. Jennifer.

The whole band was there at this point, along with two of their bodyguards and a few of the hotel staff. The room was filled with panicked shouts and arguments. If Niall even spoke now, Louis thought, no one would be able to hear him.