Haunted by the past

Chapter Eleven

Maddie sat on a stool and ordered a whisky, not recognising the barman she was glad of the peace and quiet, and she lowered her head to look at the drink. Three more followed the first. Then she hit beer with more chasers of whisky. Nothing blocked the pain, the disappointment, the betrayal, but oblivion was a place where she hoped she could forget, because as she sat there thinking things through, somewhere in her head the two events were merging into one, and it was all about her being rejected by everyone.

               

                "Hey!" A familiar voice appeared at her left, and for a long time she ignored it, staring at the half empty glass.

Eventually she lifted her head to see the hazy image of Evan, on the stool to her left.

                "How did you find me?" It was a simple but heartfelt question.

                "My step brother as manager of this hole was alerted that an old colleague was getting wasted at the bar. He called me." Evan sighed, “I wish you’d waited for me.”

She shrugged, "I should have gone further afield!"

He sighed again, shaking his head, "Come on Maddie, come home with me."

Nodding she stood, swaying slightly, then allowed him to lead her out to his car. At the first set of traffic lights he slowed at a red, then looked over at her. She was white, like a sheet, and despite the drinks, she looked petrified, not drunk.

                "You ok?" He was genuinely worried.

She shrugged, "I’ll survive. I always do."

She was silent then until they got back to his house. In the kitchen he put the kettle on to make some coffee, then turned to her.

                "They were wrong to hit you with all that tonight! It was all too much.”

Maddie laughed dryly, "no, they were wrong to not tell me sooner. Making out that they’ve put their lived on hold to look after me. I’m not a child, and I’ve never asked for anything."

                “No you’re not, and you haven’t, but they are protective of you because they know no one else is looking out for you. They love you and really want you to be happy. That for them is more important than their own happiness. You don’t get friends like that very often. It’s taken a lot for them to move on, to let go..."

                "And that’s where you step in is it?" she scowled at him. "Are you the next carer? Have they passed the responsibility on to you?" She paced the kitchen. "I’m not a charity case; I’m not someone who needs babysitting! So I have a screwed up family life, I don’t trust people easily...that does not make me some sort of freak!"

                "No one is saying you are!" he shouted, "but for a few moments step out of this self pity and put yourself in their position. You’ve lived together for years, and all of a sudden two of them have other opportunities. There was never going to be an easy way of putting it to you. And you took it far worse than they expected."

She froze stock still and looked at him, "you think I’m taking this too hard?" it was almost a snort.

Evan groaned and stepped towards her, hating that she flinched when he reached for her, "I think that this is triggering some really bad memories for you, and you’re passing that guilt on to them. And I also know that you’d never willingly hurt them."

She laughed sarcastically, “what do you know about me?"

Seeing red Evan had to look away for a moment, "nothing! I know NOTHING about you, which is exactly the point! We’ve been together a while, I know no more about what makes up Madeline Newman than the night I met you, you still keep everything inside, you won’t share anything with me." He raked his fingers through his hair and paced away from her for a moment, "God this is not the time to be arguing Maddie. Why don’t you head to bed, sleep in the spare room if you want? But let’s leave the discussions till you’re sober."