Markiplier Oneshots

A/N

Sooooooo, just to preface this a little bit, I've been told a lot that I don't really talk about myself that much and that it can actually get annoying... so I want to give you guys a bit of info on me and how I think. Mainly because it affects what I say and how I say it. 

So, I have an anxiety disorder and severe depression. Most of this stems from my low self-esteem and cognitive distortions. Cognitive Distortions are perpetual and misconstrued negative thoughts about yourself or your environment. For example, someone will say something like "she's so annoying" and I'll immediately think they are talking about me. Another example would be if someone glances at me from the side but doesn't acknowledge me...my immediate reaction would be that they don't like me. 

I mention this because sometimes, when I'll be having a conversation, though it's most prevalent online where I cannot base tone of voice or body language for context, I can get defensive and take things personal very quickly. It causes a lot of problems for me and strains a lot of my relationships. It's also one of the main reasons I will cut off communication with someone without reasons, or at least a reason to them. 

When I see someone getting, in my eyes, aggressive towards me, I immediately back out and start jumping to conclusions. I'l think that they don't like me. That they are mad at me. Maybe even that I am so horribly out of line...and, because it stemmed from a conversation, I'll shut down. I won't continue talking. I'll isolate myself. I'll overthink the conversation. What did they really mean when they said..... Did I sound aggressive when I.... etc. I'll jump further into conclusions such as "omg they hate me now" or "I should just never speak" or the likes. This perpetrates a cycle in which negative thoughts counteract facts pursuing and furthering more negative thoughts until Uh Oh! Now I'm in a panic attack, anxiety attack, depressed, suicidal, etc. 

The reason I bring this up is because it just happened and despite trying to communicate with others on how I feel, sometimes it doesn't come across the way I intend. Again, especially online. And it's even harder when it's not instantaneous, because it allows the thoughts and feelings and anxieties I have to build and build until I become irrational. As I am typing this, my anxiety is peeking, I'm nearly crying, and all of this is because I said something that was too ambiguous for the conversation at hand. I have no other outlet for this and because it was on this site that the conversation is being held, I decided I would share the information. I don't know if anyone cares or if anyone will read this, hell, I don't know what kind of feedback I'll get (if any) but I suppose right now this is a journaling experience for me. 

IF there's anything else anyone wants to know, feel free to ask. Otherwise, I probably won't be posting stuff like this again...and if I do, I may make a separate book for it, but you don't have to worry about reading it or anything. Sorry for everyone who expected another imagine...I'll have one up tomorrow, though, I promise. For now, I hope everyone is faring better than I am and is having a fantastic day or night. I love you all and care so much for you. Stay strong, lovelies.