You Raise Me Up

Bård: Headlong

Monday morning came and I was in such a fuss! To begin with, I'd forgotten to set up my alarm so I slept in. Irony was, I had never turned it off before. Only God knows why I did it on Friday. I recall the excuse was somewhere along the lines of being able to sleep in during the weekend for a change, unintentionally making the decision the worst mistake I had made in a period of few seconds. It was nonsensical turning it off, useless too – as if I had never bypassed an alarm.

Then there was also the fact, in addition to the hastily-building disaster, I had spent the weekend being absolutely lazy, which resulted in having no outfit prepared for my classes, at least not something decent. And, most important of all, I was completely freaking out about seeing Catherine again.

I didn't know if the reason behind my so obvious anxiousness was the fear I'd overstepped some boundary in a way by asking her out, or whether it was just the same buzz, the equal reaction as always. Whichever it was, I knew I wasn't going to like where its presence was leading. Shockingly enough, the awareness relating the issue made me even more anxious. I was in too deep, waters I should have avoided in the first place.

About one thing I was absolutely certain. The pace I had set upon waking, managed to produce an ironed suit, allowed me to get my freaky hair in order, and above all had me at the university but five minutes too late. Which of course was great, since that small a period of time I could account for as a traffic problem, or any other mundane excuse. Not that anyone would beat themselves to find out about the reason behind the delay in the first place.

One thing however, I couldn't control or reign myself in any way. The first thing I did as I walked into the auditorium was trying to locate Kate. I spotted her in her usual seat, her books splayed on the desk and her eyes fixed on me. I addressed her one swift, seemingly undetectable to anyone else smile, which I couldn't entirely be sure she herself even noticed, since her expression remained the same. Then I greeted the class.

I briefly scanned through my notes, as the group was quieting down, and began my lecture. As much as I wanted to make myself believe I was only focusing on the words that came out of my mouth, I knew I was lying myself and caught myself in that lie on numerous occasions when my gaze would land on Catherine, traitorously conveying each sentiment which bewildered me the very morning.

Somehow, strangely, it was only then I realized, or mentally noted her words about writing down in my lectures as well while looking at the board. Remembering the conversation was challenging enough for me to be able to avoid a grin, so upon realizing that was what was happening at the very moment, I couldn't help the traitorous twitch my lips gave at an attempt to smile.

Despite proceeding which my lecture right away, the thought remained a reminder at the back of my head during the whole span of the lesson.

Once class was over, I waited for everyone to clear out the auditorium, believing that just as any other day, it would be Kate who would remain last. I really needed to talk to her, ask how she was, and I couldn't explain even to myself as to why I was so eager to do it sooner rather than later. However, my luck as always, seemed to disappear whenever needed the most, so before I could notice Catherine was already out of the room, and when I tried locating her outside the room, in the hallway, she was nowhere to be seen.

I cursed under my breath, my constant bad luck annoying more than it should have been.

I made my way to the office, as hurriedly as I could manage. I had yet another class, and then I would have to spend a few arduous hours in the office doing bloody paperwork, checking assignments, and making sure to build the list of points I was going to eventually need for my grading system. It was those few little things nobody who wanted to become a professor even knew. Everyone just figured the job included doing a class or two, and ditching all to the TA, make them work it, which was the case if one had been on the job for more than forty years and were about to retire.