All I Ever Need

Rejection

I just wanna share something I know some of you can relate.

Rejection? It's just a word. But this word is my biggest fear in this world.

I don't want the feeling of being rejected by someone. That someone who is very special and my dream I wish to come true.

Now I'm here alone with a cup of coffee -one of our favorite bonding time. Drinking coffee while you're telling how happy your day is and I'm just listening and enjoying your voice. It's like a music to my ears that I want to play and play all day not just all day but everyday.

As I lit my ciggarette, and then open my eyes. I see a little girl and a boy. I'm enjoying watching how happy they are. I can see in their eyes how they love each other. I wish we're like them. But then it hit me. It's just a dream and I'm in the reality that we can't be like them.

God knows how much I wanted you to be mine. But how? I can't even say a word when I'm with you. I can't even look straight at your mesmerizing eyes- scared to see your reaction when you look and see at my eyes what I really feel for you.

Everyone's always there to cheer me up to tell you how much I love you not just being your best of friend, but being a person scared to risk the friendship we build over a years. I don't want to risk our friendship for the sake of my love. I don't want to ruin the friendship we have. I'm fucking scared for the result and most of all I'm fucking scared of rejection.

I close my eyes again and remembering all the days that you are at my side.

Then the flashback came to my mind. The day we've met and it's funny how a girl and a boy became bestfriend. It's a cliche story you know haha. Our story called One-sided love. Me loving you but I don't know if you do also. But as I said I don't have the courage to tell you that. I'm a coward and I'll keep it until I have the courage but not now. This is not the time.

If you need me anytime just call me and I'm always right by your side. That's how important you are. Even how busy I am when it comes to you I'm always free.

You don't know how happy I am when you're with me. I wish we stay like this. No other people just the two of us. I want you to know that your name is the only one that my heart beats.

You and me are the only people that exist my world and your hugs take all the tired and it makes me relax at same time. Believe me you are my everything.

As I open my eyes, I feel a hot fluid running through my cheeks and a weak smile form into my lips. Where are you? It's been a long time searching for you. I really miss you so much and it feels like I'm dying without you in my arms. When will you be in my arms again? I can't wait for that time again.

Come back to me. My mind have so many questions and I want you to answer me honestly. Did you love me for real not just being a best of friend of yours? Am I important to you? Am I become one of your priorities? What is the real behind of your going far away from us? from me? But I can't utter all of this so I kept this in my mind.

I don't know what I'm going to do if you find another that will make all what I did you before or he'll make better than I do. I can't help but to cry. Cry all the pain behind my fake smile.

Before you enter my life. It's plain and boring but when you did? It feels extraordinary. A single day with you is like I'm in heaven. And you don't know how much I'm thankful I am to God that he gave a chance to meet and let me enters your life. Thank you  all i can say.

Someday, I can tell you this without any hesitant. I have the courage to say all of this while looking straight at your mesmerizing eyes. 

Someday I can face my biggest fear.