Apathy ~Minizerk~

Hope

Josh felt like he was lying, and for once, he disliked it. He wasn't even technically lying, simply withholding information. He weighed the outcomes of telling Simon the absolute truth. If he told him, Simon could support him and they could make the best of the situation. If he didn't tell him, Simon could live in peaceful ignorance, the heavy weight hanging above only Josh's head, instead of being carried by both. Even so, it would only last so long, and Simon would find out eventually.

Josh decided to wait.

He closed his eyes and hugged Simon even tighter than he already was.

They separated, yet their hands were still intertwined. They leaned against each other as they looked over the cliff in silence.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next week was pure. Well, pure for Simon. As far as he knew, his and Josh's relationship was going strong, and they might even have a future together. Josh showed up to school everyday, and Simon passed off Josh's ticks as clumsiness mixed with his cold.

Yet Josh knew otherwise.

The entire week was full of anxiety, dreading the appointment he had Saturday morning. He knew exactly what was coming, but was still nervous.

That Saturday morning, he forced himself out of bed, and into the passenger seat of Rachel's car. Ava and JJ would normally have been asleep, but as Josh exited the house, JJ patted him on the back, and Ava simply stared. The two watched the car pull away from the house. Josh sat in silence, ignoring Rachel's small talk and words of encouragement throughout the entire ride, up until his name was called and he left the waiting room.

He walked into his doctor, Doctor Albarn's, office, taking note of the familiar trinkets on her desk and posters on the wall.

"So, Josh, I was actually surprised when Rachel called. The last time this topic was brought up, you seemed adamant that you did not want to do this," she said, placing her mug of coffee on her desk. Beside it, there was a photograph of her posing with who Josh assumed was her partner, and two smiling children. Josh could not determine the gender of her partner, and after a few seconds of staring, he gave up.

"Yes, I was, but I've changed my mind. I want as much time I can possibly have at this point," Josh said, remembering the last few words he had said to the doctor.

I'm sorry, but there is no fucking chance in hell. Never.

He grimaced. If only he had agreed then...

"Alright, well, all of the paperwork has been filled out and you're ready to go. If you would follow me down the hall..." Doctor Albarn led him out of the room, and down the stark white halls to another section of the hospital.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A while later, Josh exited the room, his arm much more sore, and he exited the hospital as soon as he possibly could. He quickly walked outside and down the stairs to the parking lot where Rachel was waiting for him in his car. Halfway down the stairs, he heard a familiar voice call him name.

"Josh? What are you doing here?" Simon asked, jogging to catch up with him.

"Uh, just a checkup. Why are you here?" Josh responded, turning to face Simon, who was even taller when he was standing a step above Josh.

"My mom's a nurse, I was visiting and I brought her lunch," Simon held up an empty bag from Subway, "But no, really, what were you doing here?" Simon asked again, grabbing Josh's arm. Josh yelped in pain and recoiled him arm.

"Ah, a shot. Vaccinations. You could have just said so," Simon chuckled.

Now is my chance. I can tell him. It will be obvious soon, better get it out of the way.

"Well, it wasn't exactly a vaccination," Josh said, "It was mitoxantrone."

Simon gave Josh a confused look, "Just cause my mom is a nurse doesn't mean I know anything about medicine."

"Well, it's a chemotherapy drug."

"Wait, Josh, what did you say?" Simon exclaimed, "Chemotherapy.... Cancer?"

"No, I don't have cancer," Josh said. Simon looked relieved, but still worried, "Well, then why are you getting chemotherapy?"

"I have MS, or multiple sclerosis. There is no cure, but at the stage I'm at, mitoxantrone can slow the progression. I just started it today," Josh said, grabbing Simon's hand, "I didn't want to tell you or anyone else, because I wanted to have a bit of a normal life, you know?"

"And what stage is that?" Simon asked.

"The final one. Maybe a year or two. It would have been a bit longer if I had started earlier," Josh whispered.

"Why didn't you start earlier?" Simon asked, tears beginning to well in his eyes.

"I had no reason to extend my life before I met you. In my eyes, extending my life with this disease was only extending my suffering, but now, I have a few things to look forward to." Tears began to fall from both of their eyes.

They seemed out of place as they kissed, but they didn't care.

The sad clouds had been replaced with happy, wispy summer clouds, even though April was just beginning. The blue sky expanded forever above them, as did the forest on either side of the valley their town was situated in. The white marble beneath them shone in the sunlight that fell upon them as they stood, frozen in time.

"I promise you, I will stay. I will stay for you, Simon."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks for reading!