Harmless Things (Jean Hobbs AU)

Part thirty-two

"Then what are you going to do?" 

"I... I'm going to break up with him. I'm going to break up with Dean, maybe it'll help them stop..." 

"Seriously?" Lyle looked at me confused, not quite understanding. 

"Yeah, why?" 

"We both know that will do jack all, just stick it out a bit longer. We break up soon, they'll forget during the summer holidays." 

"It's worth a try," I shrugged. 

"You're pretty damn selfish, aren't you? You're only thinking of yourself here, how do you think Dean will feel?" 

I just shrugged, feeling guilty. He was right, I hadn't thought of Dean at all, but Dean was made of strong stuff... 

"Then let me be selfish, Dean's not here having to deal with all of this," I snapped, glaring at the ground. 

"No, but he's had to before, thanks to you. You'll make yourself more miserable if you break up with him, just do yourself and Dean a favour and keep things how they are," he sighed when I didn't respond and stood up, chucking the last bits of grass he had picked away. "Well, I gotta go anyway. See you around." 

"Bye," I muttered, checking my phone after he had left to see a text from Dean I had received half an hour ago.

From: Dean

Scarlett's home, so just come round here if you're seeing us today <3 

From: Jack 

I'll be there :) <3 

I gathered my things and put my music back on and walked back up to school, the cheers and chatter of excited younger years getting louder, managing to channel through my earphones. 

With them came taunts and harsh names that made my heart race and blood come rushing to my cheeks, and they would've saw the shade of red I had turned if I wasn't looking down at my iPod that I was holding in my sweaty hand that was trembling. 

"Fag!" 

I turn up the volume a little more, the noise fading slightly. 

"Queer!" 

I turn it up more again, their insults are quieter now. 

"Batty boy!" 

I turn it up as far as it can go. Full volume blasting through the wires. The drum beats are pounding, the vocalist sounds like he's screaming his lungs out and the guitar sounds are deafening. It hurts my ears and I can't think straight, but I can't hear the words that are meant to hurt me now. I've blocked them out and it's like I'm in my own little bubble. 

Eyes flicking up, I see are mouths are moving and I know they're directed at me, but I brush off the urge to find out what they're saying and just keep going forward. 

I'm at the front of school now and there's no teacher on duty as usual, so I walk out the gates with no hassle and start my journey to Dean's house. Maybe it actually started when I got up and slung my bag over my shoulder under that tree, but now I'm just over-thinking and complicating things that don't matter. 

I try and play out some words in my head, but they don't fit together. That could be because I'm not supposed to say them when things are going so well, not to mention the bad timing, but I've never learned how to be selfless or how to put others before myself.