Harmless Things (Jean Hobbs AU)

Part eighteen

Dean P.O.V.

I was kissing Jack.

Like, literally this time, instead of imagining it.

I could feel his lips on mine and everything.

It happened so fast, I didn't get any longer than 3 seconds to enjoy it once I had registered what was happening before he roughly pushed me back and looked at me in shock for a moment before getting out of bed and pacing around.

"That shouldn't have happened... I shouldn't have done that..."

"Jack?"

"Dean... please... I didn't mean to..."

"Jack, please calm down," I stood in front of him and took hold of his wrists and held them by his sides, and his eyes darted around the room to look anywhere but at me. "It's okay, it's fine."

"But don't you see, Dean? Don't you get it? It's not okay! I can't do this!" He broke away from my grip and crossed the room, putting his hands behind his head, keeping his back to me.

"Can't do what?"

"This... Us... I can't do it... I can't be gay Dean! I can't!"

"Jack-"

"That was a mistake, we're a mistake."

"No we're not!"

"Please, Dean, just go," he turned to look at me and I could see how scared he was; I understood now that his actions were totally out of character for the popular boy in our year that was always stereotyped straight and he had a reputation to protect, but I also put his reaction down to that he was just confused, unsure of who he was and what he wanted and what was expected of him. It's not like I blamed him, after all I had been down that same painful road not so long ago myself.

I stayed where I was, frozen to the spot as I tried to process what was wanted from me.

"Jack, just... think about it, okay? What we did wasn't wrong, and why did you do it in the first place?"

"I-I don't know... I wanted to, but I can't be gay, I... my parents..." he wrapped his arms around himself looked down at the floor. As much as I wanted to comfort him and feel his lips against mine again, I didn't risk going over in case he freaked out again.

"Other people don't matter Jack, their opinions don't matter, but what do you want?"

"I want you to go."

"Jack-"

"Dean, please, it's all I'm asking for right now," I nodded slowly and got ready to leave. "And Dean?"

"Yeah?"

"We can't be friends anymore," I felt my heart drop and my vision blurred, but I blinked back the tears which was a skill I had mastered so well.

"Don't do this to me..."

"I'm sorry."

"Jack, please, don't leave me."

"I don't have a choice!"

"You do! You promised you'd never leave me Jack, you promised!"

"Sometimes we all have to break promises Dean." 

"But I need you," I stopped caring about tears I was trying to hold back and let them run free since Jack still wasn't looking at me. 

"You don't, you'll be fine without me, you were before."

"No, no I wasn't...." I said shaking my head. "I'm in love with you, and I can't do this without you Jack." 

"You what?" I felt my eyes widen when I realised what I said, but I supposed it was too late to deny it all now when his eyes locked with mine, making me freeze on the spot.