Taming An Idiot (#Wattys2017)

Where the whole DISASTER began...

"Mirror, Mirror on the wall who is the dumbest of them all"

Hearing this, the first name that comes to my lips is,

'ARLO FREAKING PIGG'

The most infuriating, pesky and maddening IDIOT on this planet.

I still mourn when I recall, the day I undertook the job of,

'TAMING IDIOTS'

You heard it right, we tame and reclaim idiots here and I am one of the eleven employees working at,

'RETARD MELIORATION AID'

Well it's not for the actual born cretins. But for the people who act stupid in public and jeopardize the life of others.

This company is for the beings who genuinely feel that they need to act better in the society and reduce the problems they create by their reckless, careless and ludicrous behavior. We even train people on how to present themselves in different situations and conditions.

I know that it sounds strange, but yes our company actually exists.

My name is NUTELLA HIGGINS or NUTELLA HIGG, as it may sound good and I'm on the seventeenth chapter of my terrible life. Yeah! It's terrible because of this one person named ARLO PIGG.

Let's go a few months back, when this Armageddon first started.

THREE MONTHS AGO,

"But, mom I don't wanna work where I'll be surrounded with a bunch of mental retards."

"Watch your words, Nuts. They aren't crazy people. They are just disoriented beings who need help to get their lives on track."

"But mom..."

"Stop it, will you? If you need money for your expenses then earn it on your own. You don't even have to sit all day and work there. You just have to spend a few hours with folks and make them aware of how to actually behave and handle themselves."

I sigh and look at my mom who's cooking our breakfast.

"Hey beautiful women. Good morning."

My dad chirps as he enters the kitchen pushing my granny in the wheel chair.

Neither of us answer to his greeting.

Dad senses the tension between us and gives me a questioning look.

"What's wrong la...la... ladies?"
He sings.

Nope, my dad isn't some singer or something. He works for an automobile firm and has a flair for raps.

"Our daughter's so grown up now that she doesn't wants to listen to her mum."

"Don't start again mom. Dadda please tell her."

My dad opens his mouth to speak but,

"Don't you dare tell me what to do, Nobs. You've already spoiled her by your pampering."

Aww my poor Dadda!

And yeah my dad's name is Mr. Nobody Higgins.

AND IT'S NOT AT ALL WEIRD.

"Nutella you're going and that's it."

"No! Mom please. Nana say something."

Nana gives me her usual disinterested look and,
"Hmm."

Yeah, that's all she said.

But actually,
That's all she always says.

So there's nothing new to hear from her.