Armor Skin Deep

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Armor Skin Deep

Throw your weapons for your words do lack and nothing's ever gained this easily free. It's easy to bend. Its never been on one knee for me but there comes a point where we become used to ducking the blow each time and give up waiting. Its always easier to pretend I'm okay with how things are. They say you find it when you stop looking but tell that to the years that I'll never get back. My left hand's bears no gold, no insurance to know you'll be there when I wake up or worse grow old. My bitterness has become common company and this wine glass is empty again.

You feel at a loss, your obsession's boss and you've painted wings on the winner again. They do look great on me by the way, something feathery to highlight the grey. Sarcasm an armor because really on the inside, the part I rarely let anyone see; is lost confused and still feeling around for the switch to chase the black away. Shooting it farther each time but I'm impossibly high and the view might I say is fantastic from here. I look down and see you reach and for a second I think I'm above you but really I'd rather be standing there looking up at a fabric of stars with you. If even angels fall can't hopes and dreams come crashing too? Doesnt everything end anyways. If this is true a constant that is the universe of change why try for something thats bound to break me anyways.

You lose control, the quivering of souls but winters usually just a step away. I've got a new scarf. It's striped in blocks of black and white cause monochromatic is the new agenda. Colors are bold at least its what we're told, but we got it on sale anyways. The mist of my breath as it thaws the air around my lips. A promise of passion but a conviction of solitude as its always easier to believe in a guarantee. No matter the miles or distance we run in the end its only the company of our skin the sticks with us and it too fades. 

Another day another problem and your standing there alone, its not stoic, its plain and boring just a fascination of mine to observe instead of look away. There's a part of me that finds comfort in watching you make a small step to the left in your ceaseless mission to police the world. Its a bitter thing I do but somehow the more I judge you the more I find you attractive. After all you've shed the required amount of tears to have me. But that's right you don't know it yet and its easier to be enemies than friends.

The world stills. A clean kind of violet. Watching frame by frame as the speed is slowed to the finest point where only we can see the spaces in between. Amazingly sharp, vivid and real like the quenching properties of rain on a desert plain.The places memories abide, the source of the well and the clever vanishing point our dreams are born from. Did I lose my keys here? Its always the last place I look, after all why would we keep searching after we've found it.

Say a little prayer for spring. Who doesn't love the result of sunlight. A crack forms in ice, water the result of my heart as it melts and with enough lumens to break the shield, a sliver grows till a leaf emerges from its hostile shell to give birth into the potentiality of fruit. A depiction of karma its never been so black and white and even in the biggest font you can't read the boldness of these words. It clever how in my ascension in the opposite direction of progress my confidence shields the world from seeing the truth of my fragile nature. I broke a long time ago I've just always had the best kind of glue.

Venom has a bitter taste. Add some sugar it drowns the scent. You could never smell your own shit on your knees. That's fine, I've said enough now get up and get yourself cleaned up. Your a mess, a disgrace, an embarassment to be around. I wonder how long I'll sit here convincing a reflection its solid, whole and real when its just another view of myself in reverse.

Too salty or clean theres nothing left for me to hide besides you have such good teeth. Even when its on the tip of your tounge I'd rather sing a pleasant excuse to evade it, Wonder why the koolaide's still full? A pint of maroon not too late but too soon and again you offer it up as surrender.

For certain lets part the curtains it's time for the show to begin. Thanks to you we're late again. You know how it tempers me. You have plenty of cups but at last you speak up and now no one's ever been thirsty for tears. You act like a child, scared of black and milds and now no one wants to play with you.It's okay it's better this way since you can't be alone without worrying if the past will visit again. Its easy the direction you look it's the opposite they took. Paranoia a true and noble Virgo claims you again and again. It's only you babe, its always been you babe. There's no one here babe and the memory's gone somewhere that way.

Still clingy and spoiled you'll reap what you sow and clever how he suddenly gets you to leave. Count to ten and you'll see he's been messaging me but please carry on it's fun to play. A pretty face to a false sense of sanity, you're right it's probably agony but hey its your favorite parade and look its about to rain. I'm that storm that bothers your day but someone has to water the plants, rid the earth of thirst so even darkness has its purpose they say. Hate me all you want I'm hear to stay and above those clouds the sun is brilliant burning and bright. One things certain you can always count on the me telling you the truth when no one else would.

There's no reason to battle, already frazzled and I've always loved watching things burn. So get up and fall gracefully, your Bon'jure died quite quickly and paradise is found yet again. Collect all your memories stack them all neatly against me since you've made it easy to play fair.You'll obsess and talk and I'll continue to walk as its easier to sleep this way. Why battle the fallen when the end is lost in wanting and Jupiter's as promising today.

I'll hear of your ranting and on and on constant bantering but in the end it's I who'll be well. Not a single piece missing I'm whole and complete the envy of being justly real. Remember what I said of armor? A confidence a thrust its all been a bust because I project what I fear and I'm weeks away from stable. Yet a glamour well done. The fanged ones talent. A mountain of steady could we go steady? It matters not since some chase paper and some chase wishes. I do both there's a certain kind of comfort in dreams. 

So read between the lines, obsess and rewind for premonitions are never this clear.You'll anger and shake, tremble and quake but hey its your public choices thats to blame.Alone and afraid, lost in a craze all cause sharing was never your thing. You'll pick and you'll tear at a wound that's not there and I'll sleep with the greatest of ease. Or at least lay there in fetus position and hum. I pretend so easily these days. Either way its you I've wanted its just easier to insult the ones that make me weak till they surrender. Its safer this way for I'm not as strong as you think and I'm haunted by you. Hate's that form of adoration that's easier to admit than love. That four letter word the world abused us with.  I forgot what the point was anyways.

This is the product of wine, music and random thoughts. Its poetry maybe but really it's just a random journal entry I thought I'd share.

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