The Miner's Wife

Chapter 13: The true survivor

Katniss mumbles something about having to work, and goes back to the Victors' Village with Ivy, which leaves the four of us alone. Four victors. I never thought I'd function as a tourist guide to 12. This is surreal. We are about as far away from the Capitol as we could possibly get, culturally, economically, and geographically. I feel it even more so now that we're not in the privacy of my house. The divide between 12 and us seems bigger than ever. We walk through Town, and I feel hundreds of pairs of eyes on us.

Finnick insists that I show them the bakery, and I reluctantly agree. Just as I feared, my mother is there, but to my surprise, Finnick completely wins her over. She's practically purring by the time I manage to get us out of there. I have never seen anything like it, but it's Finnick, after all. He can charm anyone when he wants to, regardless of sex and age. I'm sure my mother would fuck him on the flour sacks in a second if he asked her to.

We also pay an awkward visit to the mayor, Mr. Undersee. Haymitch insists we have to, since it would be an insult if two high-profile victors came to 12 without seeing Mr. Undersee.

The mayor has become so old. He never got over the loss of his only daughter, not that anyone expected him to. His wife died years ago, not long after Madge was killed. They said she had a tumor growing in her brain. There was nothing the doctor in 12 could do, and not even the mayor could send his wife to the Capitol for treatment.

Ever since the day I came back to 12 a victor, it's been practically impossible for Mr. Undersee and I to relate to each other. We do meet for official functions, but I never know what to say to him. The fact that I'm alive highlights the fact that his daughter is not - since only one of us could come back. What's more, I caused her death. So I don't blame him for seemingly being unable to meet my eyes.

So I do what I usually do when I'm around Mr. Undersee - I try to say as little as possible, and I'm relieved when the four of us get out of there and walk to the Seam. It is a beautiful day, but not all the sunshine in the world could distract us from the abject poverty. I stop by the orphanage with a bag of bread I picked up at the bakery. Katniss's mother mentioned in passing that the conditions in the orphanage were bad. I am still not prepared for what meets me: a house full of children as thin and frail as Arrow and Ivy were when they first moved in. It's eerily quiet, too. I suppose they are preserving their energy for... surviving. Just one more day. There is no energy left for playing, or even showing any kind of emotion.

They are all dark-haired, with olive skin and gray or brown eyes. How many of them have lost their fathers in the mines? I wonder to myself. Some of them might even have mothers that are still alive. Sometimes a desperate mother will leave her child on the steps of the orphanage to keep from starving to death. But looking at their gaunt little faces, I can't help but think that starving to death is just what they are doing here, too, though perhaps a bit more slowly.

We are all very quiet after.

I'll be making more trips to the orphanage in the future.

When we reach the border of the Town and approach the Meadow, Cashmere breaks the silence. "Was that what it was like?" Her voice is so low I can barely hear her. "With Ivy and Arrow?" I nod. She mutters some curse words under her breath. "It's worse in 12 than I had imagined," she says. "We're fucking privileged in 1." She shakes her head slowly. "I never thought I'd say it."

Then she puts on her sunglasses. The wall is back up.

On the way back, Finnick asks if we can go down to the river.

"Are you missing the ocean already?" I smile.

"Always," he answers. "If you've been raised by the ocean, it's in your blood, and you miss it as soon as it's out of your sight." He doesn't smile back at me. I guess this is yet another reason why Finnick detests being in the Capitol.