Daughter 4254

Chapter 27

“So that’s it?” I was defiant. “You are the final judge? No tribunal? No vote or council?”

“No. And you should thank me for that.”

“Then get it over with because I already know what you think of me. I know that you saw first hand what I’m capable of doing.”

“Yes, that is a very, very good point. I am quite aware of what you are capable of doing and it intrigues me. Therefore, I have one question for you before we proceed.”

“Fine. What is it?” I thought of Thomas hurling himself off of that cliff. I hated myself for not following him so I threw myself at this cliff instead.

“Now that you have experienced Art and Music and Cinema, or rather, movies and film. Could you imagine living in a world without them?”

This took me by surprise. The ball of hatred and apathy inside me burst into a new direction, shifting to conviction and strength. The answer was simple but before I could give it he cut me off.

“Think carefully. Think wisely. What is the RIGHT choice. What is the logical answer that may save your life and your mind? What is the answer that may buy you a little more time?”

I didn’t hesitate.

“When I was a child I would lay in the woods and stare at the leaves and branches above me. I would watch them dance, hear the music of the wind stirring and turning them, like instruments in some grand natural orchestration. I saw the many shapes that formed and dissolved over and over again, the patterns and colors and textures between cloud and sky and branch, more beautiful than any man made creation. Your question is flawed. I was born with Art and Music and Cinema inside of me. Along with Dance and the beautifully spoken word. I never could live in this world that fights those things, that fights who I am at the deepest level. I never have lived in this world and I never will.”

I was breathing heavily and I felt light headed when I ended my speech. 789 stared at me carefully, measuring my every word. He waited until I had finished and then nodded his head and patted my foot and said. “Good.”

He turned around and started working at some sort of control board pushing buttons and sliding knobs. I thought of Thomas, of my mother, of Marion and the twins. I thought of the other students in the school and of their faces as they heard my heart and soul pour forth ringing through the school, changing their lives forever. At least I would be remembered somewhere. In a final stand of defiance I chose to remind him, and them, for I knew the AutoEye was watching, listening, hanging on every incriminating word I said. My brother himself may even be listening and watching in heated anticipation.

“It doesn’t matter what you do to me.” Panic was starting to creep into my voice. Beads of sweat were breaking out on my forehead and I was finding it harder to breath as I tried to say what I wanted to say. “I’ve done what I meant to do. I’ve spread the seeds to their minds. They won’t forget it! You can’t wipe every brain in that school!” I felt frantic now, to make my point, to prove that my life hadn’t been wasted. “There are those who will pretend they hated what they saw but will secretly treasure it, all their life, and it will grow in them and they will find themselves rocking their babies to sleep at night and whispering the tune of Spring to them, or even reciting Scarlett’s speech for strength when they are rationed to the point of cruelty. And they will make their own tunes and they will form their own speeches and someday, they will rise up and you will no longer be able to control them and dictate to them what is necessary and what is not!”

My last words were no less than a scream. It felt so good to just say what I felt. I half expected to be stunned again or knocked out but 789 simply turned around and adjusted a wire, completely unmoved by my ranting. I steeled myself for what would happen next, for the pain, the slip into oblivion. Whatever it was, I was ready for it. I was at the cliff, I was on the edge, Thomas.. here I come.

“Alright,” he muttered. “Here we go.” He placed a large set of ear pods over my head and sat back watching me intently a few minutes before he placed his hand on a large dial and began to turn it while muttering something I could not make out. His eyes got darker and more intense. For a moment I thought I might be able to fight him and these machines off, I knew I had a strong mind, maybe it was strong enough... but no, I could not look away. I sank deeper and deeper into his stare. I was still aware of the room around me, I could make it out in my periphery, but it seemed to be sliding farther and farther back.

I struggled to keep hold of the room. I focused on the control board but the black in the center of his eyes grew until it filled my entire viewing space and I knew I had lost.

A melody, more sweet and singing than any I’d ever heard in my life began to play in my head. It was heart breaking and yet beautiful all at once. I had been bracing myself for pain, but at the sound of this tune, my body couldn’t help but relax, sinking into it and floating along for the ride. Then all at once an image appeared in front of me. It was Guernica. This hauntingly familiar painting coupled with the sweet music brought tears to my eyes. Unable to wipe or blink them away, I felt them trickle down my cheeks and nose. I hovered here in this moment heart broken, and yet free, until both the music and the painting vanished.

I heard his voice from somewhere beyond the black. He was quietly whispering in my ear. I never dreamed he could make that harsh, hateful voice so gentle and quiet - so terrifying.

“There will be a vast amount of information slide before you now. Do not panic, do not fear. Only relax your body and your mind and let it flow freely in and out. You will not lose it. When we are finished, you will be able to recall any and all of it at any time you wish.” At the last word a flash of light blinded me, then another and another. I struggled at first to blink, to cover or close my eyes, but my arms were firmly restrained and my eyelids had been paralyzed.

Then his voice came again. “Relax and let it in, do not fight yet. There will be many days of fighting in the future. This is not one of them. This is a time for healing. Breath deeply and relax.” He wasn’t making any sense, but I couldn’t help it. My body obeyed his command. I sucked in a deep breath and let my muscles sink back into the chair. As soon as I did the flashes became images. I could only make them out for a split second each. But the more I saw, the more I realized these were things of beauty. Things I wanted to hold onto. They were coming and going so quickly I had no time to really SEE them or think about them, classify and admire them. Still, I tried not to think about those desires. I relaxed even more and let them come, opening my mind like a box to be filled. And when I had done that, the music came again. Multiple melodies and harmonies. Instruments layering over each other, four or five songs at once playing in my head, and yet, each one was being processed separately. I not only knew them, I knew instantly the names of the instruments making them, the musicians playing them. I opened up more fully and let it all race in. Eventually, I fell asleep.