A Load of Rubbish - Seamus and the Rats Revenge

Chapter 7 Tess the Thesaurus

Seamus reached the cross roads Nelson had talked about in his directions. Bits and bobs dashed every which way at the busy intersection, narrowly missing high-speed collisions. He stopped a little back from the chaos, never having crossed a major road before without human help. Slowly he eased forward into the commotion of daily dump life.

Those small and mobile zipped around the slower things at bullet speed. The air was filled with the shrill sounds of angry toys as they beeped, whistled and sang their way through the traffic. An unsteady bicycle wheel swerved in front of Seamus, narrowly missing the razor edge of an irate piece of glass. He inched closer again, his leather taut. Looked left and right, tightened his lace, and ran for it. Meandered awkwardly through oncoming traffic he ignored the abuse from commuters. Reaching the other side he stopped and looked back. He’d survived. It might have been a small step for man, but it was a much larger one for a lone shoe.

A worn piece of paper was wrapped round a lollypop stick just a little ahead. The words "Joyce Avenue" were scrawled on the lined page. He was going in the right direction. The further down he ventured, books began to line the sides of the street. They were staked two or three high at first but as he turned in off the main route down a narrow alley, they became four and five high, towering above him. He ventured deeper, the streets got narrower and the books got higher, with little light seeping to the road below, the place had an errie feel.

Tattered books were piled so close that he could touched their spines. He had narrowly squeezed through a tiny gap, the corner of an old electrical book causing difficulty, when he spotted the gardening section. It wasn't hard to recognise. Flowers and foliage sprouted from pages, bringing colour to every corner. All types of blossoms weaved in and out through the gardening books adding beauty to this far-flung corner. The smell too was a welcome contrast to the decaying stench that engulfed the rest of the dump. One of the books saw him and gasped. She pulled in her bright purple flowers, suddenly all the others did the same until all colour disappeared into their pages. Embarrassed and baffled he scooted quickly by. The same thing happened when he fell upon the children’s books, the miniature fire breathing dragons, little dogs with fluffy white tails, tiny soldiers and a girl with golden locks all ran for cover inside the pages of their books once Seamus had been spotted. It was as if he'd interrupted something he wasn't welcome to see. Again he quickened his pace. Rounding a corner just ahead a voluptuous voice filled the air.

“You my little Cassiel, you gave me a fright, an affright, alarm, consternation, dismay, scare, even terror darling. You did you know, you did my little coocy coo!” a small, thick book mumbled to the air.

“Ahem…” Seamus said to announce his presence.

The book spun around in a swirl of pages.

“Oh hello!” she said alarmed.

Her accent was English with an educated tone.

“How may I help you darling?”

“Em… well I’m looking for the library, I need some information.”

“Why look around you, the library is everywhere”, the book said busily gathering up some pages that had fallen out in her enthusiasm.

“Oh right, I’m sorry.”

“Fresh are we darling? Well I hope you’re enjoying your new home. It’s a wonderful place just give it time. You’ll love it here! Information you say, well you certainly have come to the right place for information. I’m full of it. I am the Oxford English Dictionary and Thesaurus”, the book said fanning out her cover to display her pages peacock-like, “You may call me Tess.”

She stood as though awaiting a response.

“Oh em… I’m Seamus," he stuttered.

“Pleased to meet you Seamus. Now what is it exactly you’re looking for?”

“Em… well I’ve been told I need to get a job, I need to earn some money, I mean credits,” he sighed.

“Oh yes and money is how the world goes round, isn't that what they say Seamus?” Tess smiled.

“Em…well I suppose!”

“Come on darling, now we can do better than that! Right, money or moneyed, affluent, opulent, rich, well off, well to do, next to monastic isn’t that ironic, ironical, mocking, sarcastic?” she sang moving her pages to the frantic rhythm.

Seamus stepped backwards his mind spinning in words. He wasn’t sure what she was trying to say, but it definitely sounded intelligent.

“Now Cassie," Tess exclaimed, “Shall we help Master Seamus?”

She held up a page to stop the shoe from speaking as she listened intently to nothing. This had certainly turned into a bizarre meeting.

“Cassie says yes!” she informed after a lengthy silence.

 “Who were you talking too?”

“How rude of me I never introduced you to Cassie. Now, do I think you can be trusted or do I really care darling. After all what more can they do to a mad old book?”

Suddenly she twirled so Seamus was now standing inches from her spine. He recoiled in horror. A slimy pink worm poked out from a hole in her cover.

“Cassie, Seamus. Seamus, Cassie, my wonderful little darling!” Tess exclaimed as she turned back to face him. “She’s a worm of few words, just eats them, never speaks them!”

Seamus stayed put though every thread told him to run. Surely Tess was a few pages short of a book.

“Oh she’s em...Living”, he had it said before he realised.

“I hate that word!” Tess snapped, “Never use it and never will. The Living are given a torrid time in this place. I remember the days when ‘Made In’s’ and ‘Living’ sat side by side.”

“I'm...I’m sorry,” Seamus stuttered.

“Think, reflect, consider before you speak darling!”

Maybe Tess had fallen in a puddle? He couldn't see any signs of wet, but water made things wonky and Tess was the wonkiest book he’d ever met.

“Right”, she said her voice suddenly taking on a business like tone, “How much time do we have darling? Time is of the essence, nature, quintessence, substance, extract, part, odor, perfume. Wonderful darling, not that you smell! I hope you don’t take offence easily. You know we must all have a thick skin, so to speak. This is certainly not a world where it pays to be soft. Although, many things here do have a tendency to intenerate, mellow, melt, tenderize. It’s not all that it seems Seamus, not all that it seems at all. So time, yes, how much time do we have?”

His head spun unable to keep up with the random lines of conversation.

"All day," he stuttered.

“Very good, very good indeed. Now,” she said, linking a page through his lace, “would you care to accompany me? We have a job to do or should I say to get, darling!”