"Friends"

DAD

This is entirely different to what I usually write, but people have said they like my style of writing, so i thought I would give a proper book type thing a go. Based loosely on real events. Please let me know what you think!

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Dear Dad,

Words cannot describe what you have missed out on the last four years. I still can't believe it's been that long since I left. Somedays it feels like a lifetime ago and other days it seems like just yesterday. I'm not even 100% sure why I am writing to you, but yet here I am. I don't know what I expect to achieve by putting pen to paper, but if I don't write to you I fear I may go insane. I respect everything you gave up to raise us when Mum died and for that you deserve a long overdue thank you. I know that you sacrificed a lot, I used to feel guilty that you never had a proper chance to grieve because real life got in the way but now I realise that the one thing you should have sacrificed you didn't.

This is my 4th Christmas without you around and I thought by now Lane's Christmas tunes would have started to fade yet they haven't. But, waking up in the morning and looking at a tree that isn't surrounded by you is starting to feel less strange. I haven seen you in 4 years. I do really hope you're doing okay. Know that I am happy and healthy but still smoking too much! Do you ever think about me? Wonder what I'm up to? Where my life has taken me? If I'm happy? Truly happy? Do you ever ask Amy about me? I suppose not.

I know you never talk about me to your friends or the people at your church. I bumped into Claire last week she said it's like I never existed, you never explained my absence to people, and no one questioned it because they trust you. You must have been really disappointed in me. Are you still disappointed in me? Are you mad? Do you even care?

I know looking back I messed up, I should have handled the situation differently, but I was just a kid Dad. No matter how grown up I thought I was. I was 18 but only just, being an adult legally and living in the real world are two very different things. I think you believed that if I had time to sort myself out; to be alone in the world I would come back, I would find the church. That if I had enough time I would 'choose' a different life, and I would go back on my words but I haven't. I just grew up very fast. I know that my actions don't make you proud, but I'm happy Dad and I was hoping after all thing time happiness counted for something?

I still can't believe in only 22, I am proud of how I have my life together. I took time and wasn't like you see in the movies. It was harder than I ever thought. I spent every evening for two years stacking shelves in an off license for fund my studies because I had to grow up. I didn't finish my A-Levels and for that I'm sorry. I'm sorry I dropped out with no plan, but I had to do something to help with my life because I didn't have a proper home Dad, because you changed the locks and I never got a key. I did go back to school though. I worked really hard. I am doing a degree in English while working. I know it's not can't like Amy, but I am proud of what I am doing.

I write now – for a newspaper. Nothing fancy but I love every second of it. Just a gossip collum basically. Three times a week 'Perspective'. It focus' on my life. Which is cool Dad. I hope you are proud. Apparently becing young skint and married is relatable. I don't know if Amy told you I got married. To Maya– remember her? She's still around. Amy walked me down the aisle. I was going to invite you but Amy tole me not to waste the paper.

I don't forgive you Dad, but I'm going to let go and move on because after all this time I was still waiting for an apology. Maybe I just lost my temper and somedays I wonder if I shouldn't have left like I did. If it would have got better but I couldn't live in silence anymore. I couldn't live being hated and ignored by the one person who was meant to love me unconditionally. I will never forget the way shut me out after I told you. I will never stop being able to picture your face and the way your emotions changed in 2 seconds as the words left my mouth but I have stopped being angry.

My life is fulfilled and I am surrounded by friends and and different type of family that truly love me and support me even when they don't quite understand me.

You can deny my existence, you can keep me away from Emmett and Lane if you want, but it won't be long until they can't just search me up on social media or Lane can ask Amy for my number. You cant hide me forever but I'm kind of hoping after this letter you wont hide me anymore.

Do you know whats funny? That after all this time I still love you and every time an unkown called appears on my phone just for a split second I hope its you. How crazy is that? I don't understand why I cant just pretend you don't exsist like you do with me, I find it hard to comprehend.

Love

Your Daughter

Maggie