Always and forever

What Is Love?

People say that love is a wonderful thing, that not many people have a chance to find or experience. I guess that is true, but my love story was a little bit different. Love is a happy thing that makes you feel warm and cozy, but it's also something that can leave you dying from the inside out, wanting to scream in defeat and pain. Love is an unforgettable feeling for these two reasons, happiness... And true pain. My story deals with mass amounts of both.

It all started at my tenth birthday party, I saw my mom and dad standing on the other end of the table smiling like crazy waiting for me to make a wish and blow out the flickering red and orange flames that scattered around the cake. I thought for a moment not sure what to wish for and then I blew out the candles waiting for my new wish and dream to come true... See most kids I knew didn't care about things the way I did. I saw a dog that had a teensy scar and thought of the pain it once suffered and the love it now has, other kids thought about petting the animal and scratching it's fluffy fur, not even noticing the patch of skin where no hair would ever grow back just above its eyebrow. I know, what am I talking about, what dog? I take anything that has something slightly wrong with it and I automatically think of pain, disapproval, even sometimes love. Other kids ignored everything. But not me. Even my parents talked to me about this. My teachers thought it was wonderful and the kids around me thought I was weird or crazy, maybe even a little bit of both. I refused to believe anything they said to me. I knew the truth behind it all.

When I was about thirteen I knew that my wish for true love wouldn't ever happen. This was the year that my parents got divorced. I never thought of my parents as having a hard and meaningless relationship for fifteen years, but that's exactly what it was. They said that they were thinking about this for a while after they got married but then my mom get pregnant and everything changed. My parents were unhappy for over thirteen years and I always blamed it on myself. See you take our family and solve for who has pain and who has love. I get both. I thought that love existed and I was hopeful and happy and then I found out that pain is the only thing that will make a large significants in my life. My parents in a way got both. They hated each other but loved me.

The day I found out my parents weren't gonna be my parents together was the day that pain struck me. The day I lost all hope for my wish to come true. The one thing I wanted in the whole world is now the one thing I know I won't get. I've lost all hope at being loved, and being able to love. I probably sound like one of those teenage girls who are hopeless romantics who act out to get attention or something. I like to keep to myself and do things as an individual. I was in a way getting practice for the rest of my life, you might think I'm over dramatic and to others I truly am but it's weird that my parents taught me to love as much as u could and that one day someone would care enough to make me happy and make me feel just as loved as I did to them. Then they go and get a divorce and say that love doesn't exist. I'm not over dramatic and girl crazy about vampire love stories. I'm just a girl who feels that she won't be goodenough for a man to fall in love with. That isn't that crazy. Right?

The girl in the photo is celisia. Hope u enjoy this story.

~ceciliabeam~