The baby's eyes

The baby

Senses.

Smell, touch, taste, hear, see.

  For most, they are the essentials of life. For me they are a curse that I've struggled to deal with.

  In my little amount of years being on this planet, I've experienced way more than I should have.

  I've seen things that weren't meant for my eyes. Heard things that weren't meant for my ears, and felt things that have shattered and broken me and those I love.

   I find it non humorously comical that all the pain and hardship I've endured over my short time leads back to those simple senses.

Smell, touch, taste ,hear, see.

I've lived my life watching. You know what they say; the eye that watches sees the most. And sadly, those word are true. You see, I've never had the luxury of a choice. I was forced to watch as everything I knew shattered and disappeared as if it never happened. As if our happiness never existed.

  I've survived by listening. I listened to the lies being fed to me, for they were my life line. Without those lies, I would have died in the harsh world that hid behind those classy closed doors.

  They gave me a sense of peace if not for only a second. Even though in a blink of an eye, the truth comes in and destroys my fantasy, I lived for those small gapes in the truth, they concealed me from my worst nightmare. The day that i would realize that we weren't gonna be okay.

    I learned through touch. You see, to me touch has a double meaning. Yes it can be when you physically feel something using your flesh. But it's also the touch someone leaves on you. What they contributed to your life. I hate the fact that people can leave a mark on you, I hate that they have that power. I hate that I have that power.

     The touch is what molds you into who you're gonna be, what shapes you into what you should be and shows you what to never be. I'm afraid I've turned into the latter. I'm emotionless, un forgiving and selfish. But that's not my fault. No, it's the touch. The marks that have been left behind from this war I fight everyday within my very own home.

   I've remembered through smell and taste. These two kinda travel together. They are like the brother and sister of the senses. They thrive off of each other. Have you ever experienced that moment when a certain taste or smell takes you back to a certain memory.

    For example a childhood memory or a family memory. Well imagine if every memory was painful. Every time you were taken back to that place, all you could do was fall to your knees screaming and praying that you could forget. Would you still want to be reminded?

The truth is, I shouldn't know this at my age. I shouldn't suffer at my age. I shouldn't want to forget at my age. I shouldn't feel so defeated at my age.

But,

What the baby's eyes see, the baby's eyes never forget.