The Unknown

Chapter Sixteen

The white ceiling above me masked my emotions. I lay in bed not sure what to think. Victoria's words still rang in my mind, her threats on repeat. I didn't know how I felt about what she said. I was confused, why would she feel the need to tell me to stay away? I thought people who felt threatened by another person felt the need to say that. I didn't stand a chance against Victoria. 
My cheeks flushed and I brought my hands up to cover my face.
I'm talking as if I were trying to win Alexander's affections. I've only talked to him maybe four times? Twice we met alone, and I knew it would come back to haunt me. My mind reeled from the days events. From how I figured out how Stephen liked Victoria to Victoria's seemingly happy mood while packing to the sudden change at night, to the way Alexander watched me during lunch. His eyes were glued to me the entire time it felt. Every time I looked at him he was a step ahead, and that's why I need to be careful. Those eyes, it was something about those eyes that drew you in and trapped you. They begged you to try and talk to him, to try and get to know him. I couldn't fall for it, I needed to stay away from Alexander. 
I sit up in my bed and light the candle that rests on my nightstand. I grab my journal from under the mattress and sit in the chair that's positioned to look out the small window that shows the back yard of the estate. 

Breathe in,

And out.

May 8, 1801

The days I spent in the orphanage were the worst days of my life. I remember the stolid faces of the 'nuns' that worked there. The only reason the orphanage was called an orphanage was for money. Really, it was a place where they harbored the children and used them to do small tasks for more money. The head of  Sister Margaret's was a man I knew as Marco. The nuns always said he was from a far off land and that's why he never came to visit, but as I grew older I came to realize that Marco was a thief and had several orphanages around the world dedicated to embezzling money from governments and churches. And that was the orphanage that I was placed in. Sister Margaret's Home for the Lost. 
I remember the carriage pulling up to the building a few days after my mother had died. The reality that I was an orphan hadn't set in. I still lived in the fantasy that my father was going to come and take me away to my castle, but as I pulled up to that stone front building I knew things weren't headed up. I knew my father wasn't coming to get me. 
They brought me in and treated me kindly for the first few minutes, but as the heavy oak door closed behind me with the sound of dread, their smiles vanished and they began to strip me of my belongings. Everything I had on was taken and sold, and all of my belongings in my trunk were sold as well. I was given a plain blue cotton dress that was frayed at the bottom. It had no form and the black shoes were a size too small. After they dressed me and gave me a tour of the three story building, they brought me before all the other children during dinner. 

"Children, this here is Mae. Lets all show her the welcome that you all have received upon arrival." All the children remained silent and watched as I stood under their criticizing stares. The lady who had escorted me shrugged and pushed me towards a seat next to a boy who was the only one not watching me. I took a seat and a bowl of what looked like brown sludge was set before me. I must have grimaced because the boy next to me spoke up,

"It's not as bad as it looks. I like to pretend that its chocolate cake all mushed up. Then it's not so bad." We turned towards each other at the same time, his blue eyes startled me. They were chilling and they had the ability to freeze you in place. They were the color of the sky on a nice summers day, the color that reminded you of happy memories and good feelings. I could tell he was a kid that wasn't supposed to be here, he belonged somewhere that wasn't so dark and dismal. 

"I'm Lukas. You can call me Lukas," He sticks his hand out into the open air and I watch it for a second. He was mature for his age, a whole two years older than me, but he seemed so mature than. I grabbed his hand and we gave a firm shake. And that was the start of a friendship that I will never forget. Lukas and I became the sole purpose of each other's lives in that orphanage. We had a bond that only young kids could form, a trust that was renewed time and time again. Lukas was the only person I truly talked to, the only person that understood me for who I was and accepted me as such. 

The day they came and took Lukas away was the hardest and worst day in my life. My heart had been shattered. I remember how he pleaded with the men who were there to take me with him. Tears streamed down his face as he was forced to leave. But I stood there silently watching him as the big oak door closed behind him. 

And that's when I broke. 

I realized that Lukas had held me together, he was the reason I was able to cope with everything that had happened with my mother and my father. Lukas had become my life. He had become everything to me and now he was gone. I became very ill after he left. They told me I was going to die and the didn't seem to care. But I still got better even though they left me in my room alone for days. I guess everything in my life had caught up to me and my ten year old mind couldn't handle it. I was broken inside and I didn't know how to fix myself. 

Sometimes, I still feel broken inside. Like there's a piece missing and I live my life trying to find what it is to fit it back in its place. 

A loud crash breaks my concentration on the journal. I look down across the yard and see the glow of lights on in the stables. Stephen must be up and running, unable to sleep due to the adventures that await him. I set the journal down and head to the stable. 

Now was my time to talk to Stephen.