There's a moment
before bleach settles
and pills dissolve
where you contemplate your life
more fervently than before
and you realize this is no
longer what you want.
There's a moment
before you cap the pen
that relayed your
sorrows to the paper
when faces of friends cloud
your mind making it impossible
to finish the deed.
There's a moment
where the silence of your heart
is louder
than the twisted altos in your head
convincing you that
this is the only solution.
And as your hand fails to keep
the pen in place
and vision becomes blurry
a shred of doubt
overwhelms your senses and
reminds you that this is not
what you'd fought 18 years for
and it's not where you will end.
