Until He's Gone

Chapter Six

"I heard the music before I came in. It made me feel alive. I really like the way you play it," he suddenly commented.

Excitement rushed through my nerves. "Thank you," I replied.

"Why don't you continue playing?" he suggested, "Honestly, I could spend my life listening to that lovely tune."

I felt a smile form on my lips.

"Okay," I agreed, reaching for my clarinet. Kevin seemed to be pleased.

I closed my eyes and started playing as I drifted along with the music, somehow forgetting that Kevin was next to me, listening, and that I was actually playing the music.

I thought about all the years that passed by without mom. I hated the fact that I wasn't sure if she knew all about what was happening to us, me and dad. However, I believed she listened to my melody every day and that it made her proud.

Throughout the years that had passed, I had played the melody for her, and told her everything I wanted to tell her through my clarinet.

  I hated it when people told me that my mother was in my heart. I didn't want her to be there, and I didn't want to trap her there either.

I wanted her to be next to me and dad, in the garden, in her bedroom, in the kitchen, doing house chores, reading, laughing, shouting, playing her clarinet, or telling me a story. All I wanted was to feel that she existed, not to believe that she existed without feeling so.

I took a deep breath and blasted all the memories out of my clarinet in one raged insane note. I never realized my clarinet produced that sound before, but I didn't stop as all the memories came tumbling out.

Me drawing my mother's face, listening to her music, my mother cooking my favorite meal, dad holding me up on his arms so I could touch the ceiling- the books we've read, the ocean, war, bombs, explosions- burning the past into flames, screaming, pushing everything away from me, breaking all the rules I had set that I shall never think about these memories again.

I opened my eyes as I ended the melody and found Kevin staring at me, his green eyes were so intense and his lips were parted in astonishment. I caught my breath. The sound of nearby bombs broke the induced silence, returning me to my consciousness again.

"Wow! You're incredible!" Kevin exclaimed, almost unbelievably.

I didn't know what to say. Did I have to say anything anyway?

"I can't help it," I heard him murmuring.

"Help what?" I asked with a smirk.

He looked into my eyes and said, "I can't help your music. It- It's so sonorous! It invades my soul and feelings. I can't help but let it in."

A genuine smile crossed my lips.

"Can I ask you a random question?" he asked.

"I suppose you're already asking a random question," I answered with a smirk as I returned my clarinet to its case.

He groaned then asked, "What do you think about the ocean?"

All of a sudden, a memory which I couldn't fathom clearly flashed through my mind.

"The ocean? What's wrong with the ocean?" I asked confusedly for this wasn't a question I was expecting.

His face expression indicated that he was serious, but his question wasn't even close to that.

"Never mind, just drop that silly question," he said.

I arched up an eyebrow skeptically, and sighed, "Fine, but you won't be forgiven for beating around the bush next time," I added with a smirk.